The Legends are just wack all the way around. Stupid name, color scheme, stadium location. Total joke
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Again, this is a transcript. It actually happened.
![[laughing]](http://l.yimg.com/j/assets/img/emoticons/classic/laugh.r191677.gif "Laughing [laughing]")
Yeah man, i think you are well on your way to taking Adrian's $$$$.
You said SAE with # 2, so I took that to mean a birth. Based on his posting, they may already be pregnant. 115-1 is fine (roughly 1/11th shaved off).
Hey UKO, how 'bout those Reds?
Beat the Cards 7-0 to win their 6th straight series.
Not major league caliber Finnegan got his 7th win of the season.
Not major league caliber Suarez went 2-3 with 2 RBI.
Nova at the buzzer!
TFP. (wink and a gun)
Beat the Cards 7-0 to win their 6th straight series.
Not major league caliber Finnegan got his 7th win of the season.
Not major league caliber Suarez went 2-3 with 2 RBI.
Nova at the buzzer!
TFP. (wink and a gun)
Just had someone come to my office and ask why I was laughing so hard.
That's just great.
Guy has a knack for being wrong on sports takes and allegiances.
Man some of these gals on snapchat dont care about nothin.
Freshman move-in started today, and classes dont begin until the 17th. So youve essentially got a two week free for all. The move in happens in waves over the next week or so, beginning with sorority recruitment women, and the athletes that live on campus dont move in until the last day (which we do on purpose to minimize temptation). But yeah beginning tonight the police reports get pretty interesting.
I have moved quite a bit over the last decade (14 times to be exact), but this most recent one is it. Unless someone threw a ton of money at us, I am not leaving until my unborn children are out of college. I had a pipe dream of renovating and listing houses and maybe after 1-2 more houses we could pay cash for the next one and call it a day. Not anymore. I'm tired of the hassle. And my strategy also doesnt work when my wife keeps assuming we can just buy more expensive houses.
Its whatever.
I've also been to Traverse City quite a bit and lived a little bit south of there through 1 horrible Michigan winter. What an odd place, Tommy. Youre going to hate it there. You may say its ok, but you are going to hate it.
Finally finished Seaon 6 of GOT. The last few episodes were excellent. I didnt think there would be a moment on the show that was more satisfying than stupid bitch Joffrey dying but what happened to that Bolton guy was pretty cool. Also the Battle of the Bastards scene was up there with the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan as far as how intense it was to watch. Sansa, tho.
Freshman move-in started today, and classes dont begin until the 17th. So youve essentially got a two week free for all. The move in happens in waves over the next week or so, beginning with sorority recruitment women, and the athletes that live on campus dont move in until the last day (which we do on purpose to minimize temptation). But yeah beginning tonight the police reports get pretty interesting.
I have moved quite a bit over the last decade (14 times to be exact), but this most recent one is it. Unless someone threw a ton of money at us, I am not leaving until my unborn children are out of college. I had a pipe dream of renovating and listing houses and maybe after 1-2 more houses we could pay cash for the next one and call it a day. Not anymore. I'm tired of the hassle. And my strategy also doesnt work when my wife keeps assuming we can just buy more expensive houses.
Its whatever.
I've also been to Traverse City quite a bit and lived a little bit south of there through 1 horrible Michigan winter. What an odd place, Tommy. Youre going to hate it there. You may say its ok, but you are going to hate it.
Finally finished Seaon 6 of GOT. The last few episodes were excellent. I didnt think there would be a moment on the show that was more satisfying than stupid bitch Joffrey dying but what happened to that Bolton guy was pretty cool. Also the Battle of the Bastards scene was up there with the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan as far as how intense it was to watch. Sansa, tho.
Which only made me start smartassing and generally being as annoying as I could be toward him. Veins were popping out, I thought he might have a stroke or at least lose vision.
A day with an Eli Barron foursome
In one corner, we’ve got the Madisonville Community Golf Course, wearing a partly cloudy demeanor on a Saturday morning as it hosts for the 44th time the Eli Barron Invitational golf tournament.
In another corner, wearing their hangovers on their golf shirt sleeves, is a foursome from Lexington and Louisville consisting of 30-somethings Casey Urschel, Anthony Schembari, Keith Garrett and Brian Burnett, each making a repeat trip (if not a repeat repeat repeat repeat trip) to the August classic.
And in a third corner: beer. Lots and lots of beer.
Hole 1: “We better move off to the side,” Schembari cautions this reporter as another member of the foursome takes his second shot. “We’re in the danger zone.”
But then, who isn’t in the danger zone when any one of these far-from-the-top guns step up to take a shot? None of them are perennial contenders like Chad Audas, who will win this year’s title after third-place finishes each of the past two years.
Instead, they’ll be drinking lots of beer, winning money off of each other (or being “forced” to chug a beer) in a Byzantinian maze of side bets when the play gets particularly bad, and who knows, maybe even avoiding the fate that awaited Urschel in 2009, when he finished dead last with a two-round score of 249.
But those whom the golfing gods destroy, they first lull into a sense of complacency. While Urschel, Burnett and Garnett all double-bogey the first hole, with Urschel missing a 6-foot putt, Shcembari surprises everyone by parring the hole.
“Start off with a par just like that,” Schembari marvels, “Usually a bogey.”
Hole 2: Not that pars and bogeys really factor into the comptition for these guys.
“We don’t gamble on score,” Schembari explains. “We penalize on bad plays. Any time you go into the water, it’s a dollar. Anytime you get a snowman, it’s a dollar, any time you lose a ball, it’s a dollar. And then we’ll randomly play for putts on par 3s.”
That’s actually a thumbnail description of the confusing system the quartet has cooked up for today, but the comment is otherwise apt, as the dollars are about start flowing freely. Urschel sends his tee shot out of bounds, which sends him off and crawling to a nine on the par-5 hole, while Burnett’s sails off into the trees.
“The wind died just as I hit it,” Burnett complains. “Not that it would have made a difference.”
Burnett is still in the trees when he takes his third shot, his expectations significantly diminished.
“I’m hoping this one is in the bunker,” Burnett begs. “Please be in the bunker.”
Eventually, Burnett finally lands one on the edge of the green. That’s when the golfing gods decide to screw with him: his chip goes in from 30 feet out for a triple-bogey.
“That’s how you save an eight,” Burnett mock-boasts.
Hole 3: At 1-under-par entering this hole, Schembari is only one back of eventual champ Audas. Everyone else is racing to cough up money, however: Urschel is at 6-over-par; Burnett, 5-over-par; and Garnett, 4-over-par.
The quartet is still a couple hours away from Acapulco Grill, the on-site Mexican restaurant they’ll have to pass to get to the 10th tee, but Burnett already sees the writing on the border wall.
“I’ll be buying chalupas at the turn at this rate,” Burnett said.
Schembari has something to say about that, however, triple-bogeying the hole, while Chalupa Boy actually pars it. Still, Burnett is not feeling so great.
“This is the worst I’ve played in a long time,” Burnett says. “I’m a little bit hungover. We all had a little bit too much fun last night.”
Hole 4: So what are these four men doing 200 miles away from their native central Kentucky habitat? As Schembari’s Jambox plays Dwight Yoakam’s “Million Miles From Nowhere” in their golf cart, Burnett ventures an explanation on why he’s 250 miles from somewhere.
“Adrian (Baldwin), one of our mutual friends, he lives down here,” Burnett said. “He got some people to come down a few years before I did, and they talked about how much fun they had, so I was like, ‘Hell, I’ve got to go.’ It’s like a mini-vacation, especially for me. I’ve got two kids at home and a wife at home, so I don’t get out very often. It’s fun.”
At least for the next few minutes it will be, anyway. A chronic condition of his acts up, sending him back to his car for his medication. He’ll miss the next three holes.
In solidarity, Urschel and Garrett miss the fourth hole as well — with their clubs, repeatedly. Garrett quintuple-bogeys the par-4, while Urschel notches a 10.
Hole 5: Schembari has met the enemy and the enemy is the fifth hole.
“This is one of my nemesis holes,” Schembari says of the par 4. “You’ve got an (out of bounds) that runs all the way down the right side and then you’ve got a hazard that runs all the way down the left side. And I don’t hit the ball very far, so then I’ve got to layup, and sometimes I’ll layup and still hit it in the water. So then I’ll drop and hit it in the water again. So yeah, this is one of the tougher holes for me.”
Schembari may not be winning the war against the fifth hole, but he wins the battle, parring it. He remains the leader of the fourpack with a 5-over-par.
Hole 6: “Storm’s coming,” Schembari announces as he waits to tee off. “You can feel that. Hoo-boy.”
Also arriving is Burnett, who is still hungover but now hungover with some Xanax thrown into the equation.
“You better, bud?” Schembari asks Burnett, who launches into a bit of Monday morning quarterbacking — to seriously mix a metaphor — about his sudden departure.
“I should’ve taken it earlier,” Burnett said. “I always know when.”
“You just listen to me,” Schembari says. “I’ll lead you in the right direction.”
Not that there weren’t limits to his concern, at least on the fourth hole. “I was like, ‘Man, I love you, but I got a birdie putt,’” Schembari says.
Hole 7: That won’t be a problem for Schembari on this hole, however. “I’m 30 feet from the hole, laying four (strokes) and ended up with a nine,” Schembari groans. “I four-putted.”
Hole 8: “Without order, there is chaos,” Burnett muses as he tees off.
“We’ve definitely got chaos,” Schembari says.
What Burnett doesn’t have is a ball that can make it past the ladies tees, which under group rules will cost him a buck. Fortunately for Schembari the group rules don’t weigh in either way on whiffed shots, which saves him money when he proceeds to do just that on his second shot.
“I think we’re going to switch clubs,” he decides.
Hole 9: Burnett, the most likely of the bunch to have had some high school theater in his past, is singing along with the Jambox as it makes the bumpy transition from Foreigner’s “Jukebox Hero” to Milli Vanilli’s “Girl You Know It’s True.” Somehow this caterwauling isn’t helping Urschel’s hangover from the night before, so in desperation he turns to Schembari.
continued on page 8
In one corner, we’ve got the Madisonville Community Golf Course, wearing a partly cloudy demeanor on a Saturday morning as it hosts for the 44th time the Eli Barron Invitational golf tournament.
In another corner, wearing their hangovers on their golf shirt sleeves, is a foursome from Lexington and Louisville consisting of 30-somethings Casey Urschel, Anthony Schembari, Keith Garrett and Brian Burnett, each making a repeat trip (if not a repeat repeat repeat repeat trip) to the August classic.
And in a third corner: beer. Lots and lots of beer.
Hole 1: “We better move off to the side,” Schembari cautions this reporter as another member of the foursome takes his second shot. “We’re in the danger zone.”
But then, who isn’t in the danger zone when any one of these far-from-the-top guns step up to take a shot? None of them are perennial contenders like Chad Audas, who will win this year’s title after third-place finishes each of the past two years.
Instead, they’ll be drinking lots of beer, winning money off of each other (or being “forced” to chug a beer) in a Byzantinian maze of side bets when the play gets particularly bad, and who knows, maybe even avoiding the fate that awaited Urschel in 2009, when he finished dead last with a two-round score of 249.
But those whom the golfing gods destroy, they first lull into a sense of complacency. While Urschel, Burnett and Garnett all double-bogey the first hole, with Urschel missing a 6-foot putt, Shcembari surprises everyone by parring the hole.
“Start off with a par just like that,” Schembari marvels, “Usually a bogey.”
Hole 2: Not that pars and bogeys really factor into the comptition for these guys.
“We don’t gamble on score,” Schembari explains. “We penalize on bad plays. Any time you go into the water, it’s a dollar. Anytime you get a snowman, it’s a dollar, any time you lose a ball, it’s a dollar. And then we’ll randomly play for putts on par 3s.”
That’s actually a thumbnail description of the confusing system the quartet has cooked up for today, but the comment is otherwise apt, as the dollars are about start flowing freely. Urschel sends his tee shot out of bounds, which sends him off and crawling to a nine on the par-5 hole, while Burnett’s sails off into the trees.
“The wind died just as I hit it,” Burnett complains. “Not that it would have made a difference.”
Burnett is still in the trees when he takes his third shot, his expectations significantly diminished.
“I’m hoping this one is in the bunker,” Burnett begs. “Please be in the bunker.”
Eventually, Burnett finally lands one on the edge of the green. That’s when the golfing gods decide to screw with him: his chip goes in from 30 feet out for a triple-bogey.
“That’s how you save an eight,” Burnett mock-boasts.
Hole 3: At 1-under-par entering this hole, Schembari is only one back of eventual champ Audas. Everyone else is racing to cough up money, however: Urschel is at 6-over-par; Burnett, 5-over-par; and Garnett, 4-over-par.
The quartet is still a couple hours away from Acapulco Grill, the on-site Mexican restaurant they’ll have to pass to get to the 10th tee, but Burnett already sees the writing on the border wall.
“I’ll be buying chalupas at the turn at this rate,” Burnett said.
Schembari has something to say about that, however, triple-bogeying the hole, while Chalupa Boy actually pars it. Still, Burnett is not feeling so great.
“This is the worst I’ve played in a long time,” Burnett says. “I’m a little bit hungover. We all had a little bit too much fun last night.”
Hole 4: So what are these four men doing 200 miles away from their native central Kentucky habitat? As Schembari’s Jambox plays Dwight Yoakam’s “Million Miles From Nowhere” in their golf cart, Burnett ventures an explanation on why he’s 250 miles from somewhere.
“Adrian (Baldwin), one of our mutual friends, he lives down here,” Burnett said. “He got some people to come down a few years before I did, and they talked about how much fun they had, so I was like, ‘Hell, I’ve got to go.’ It’s like a mini-vacation, especially for me. I’ve got two kids at home and a wife at home, so I don’t get out very often. It’s fun.”
At least for the next few minutes it will be, anyway. A chronic condition of his acts up, sending him back to his car for his medication. He’ll miss the next three holes.
In solidarity, Urschel and Garrett miss the fourth hole as well — with their clubs, repeatedly. Garrett quintuple-bogeys the par-4, while Urschel notches a 10.
Hole 5: Schembari has met the enemy and the enemy is the fifth hole.
“This is one of my nemesis holes,” Schembari says of the par 4. “You’ve got an (out of bounds) that runs all the way down the right side and then you’ve got a hazard that runs all the way down the left side. And I don’t hit the ball very far, so then I’ve got to layup, and sometimes I’ll layup and still hit it in the water. So then I’ll drop and hit it in the water again. So yeah, this is one of the tougher holes for me.”
Schembari may not be winning the war against the fifth hole, but he wins the battle, parring it. He remains the leader of the fourpack with a 5-over-par.
Hole 6: “Storm’s coming,” Schembari announces as he waits to tee off. “You can feel that. Hoo-boy.”
Also arriving is Burnett, who is still hungover but now hungover with some Xanax thrown into the equation.
“You better, bud?” Schembari asks Burnett, who launches into a bit of Monday morning quarterbacking — to seriously mix a metaphor — about his sudden departure.
“I should’ve taken it earlier,” Burnett said. “I always know when.”
“You just listen to me,” Schembari says. “I’ll lead you in the right direction.”
Not that there weren’t limits to his concern, at least on the fourth hole. “I was like, ‘Man, I love you, but I got a birdie putt,’” Schembari says.
Hole 7: That won’t be a problem for Schembari on this hole, however. “I’m 30 feet from the hole, laying four (strokes) and ended up with a nine,” Schembari groans. “I four-putted.”
Hole 8: “Without order, there is chaos,” Burnett muses as he tees off.
“We’ve definitely got chaos,” Schembari says.
What Burnett doesn’t have is a ball that can make it past the ladies tees, which under group rules will cost him a buck. Fortunately for Schembari the group rules don’t weigh in either way on whiffed shots, which saves him money when he proceeds to do just that on his second shot.
“I think we’re going to switch clubs,” he decides.
Hole 9: Burnett, the most likely of the bunch to have had some high school theater in his past, is singing along with the Jambox as it makes the bumpy transition from Foreigner’s “Jukebox Hero” to Milli Vanilli’s “Girl You Know It’s True.” Somehow this caterwauling isn’t helping Urschel’s hangover from the night before, so in desperation he turns to Schembari.
continued on page 8
from page 2
“I’m ready to try your coconut water idea,” he says.
If the conversation Schembari had with Burnett after his Xanax run didn’t make his role as the group’s medicinal guru obvious, it’s clear as El Tesoro Platinum tequila now. Schembari holds court on the ins and outs of hangovers, throwing around excretory terminology like “five o’clock (expletive),” but Urschel is less sure of the idea the more Schembari talks.
“Why would I lie to you?” Schembari says.
“Because that’s who you are,” Urschel replies.
A shower of a different kind than the one on Schembari’s mind seems imminent as the storm clouds gather. Garrett picks up his first par of the day after starting with eight bogeys, which is all that is needed for second place, breaking a three-way tie he had been sharing with Burnett and Urschel.
Burnett is last with a 61 (for maximum intoxication, Burnett’s three incomplete holes have been scored in his absence as snowmen), with Urschel at 58. Schembari’s bogey keeps him in the lead at 52, but it is Garrett who somehow parlays his 56 into $18 of winnings.
Hole 10: Urschel takes a break at the turn, ostensibly to get some concession stand food, but also perhaps to savor the moment. The Eli Barron is the only tournament he’ll play all year.
“I think this is tournament five for me,” he says. “Normally we drink so much I forget which one is which ... I try to make it an annual habit, because we have so much fun down here.”
He takes a pause, as though trying to will away the cobwebs in his mind.
“That’s a good question,” he slurs. “I don’t know. I just ... I just know.”
Hole 11: If chugging were a competition today, Urschel and Burnett would be in the lead at this point with two. Schembari bogeys to stayed tied with Garrett at one chug ... for now.
“We’ve still got plenty of holes left,” Garrett warns with a chuckle.
Hole 12: The long-promised thunder finally kicks in, along with some light rain. Unpertrurbed, Burnett crushes his tee shot.
“That’s a little taste of Xanax,” he mock-brags.
It’s a taste that soon turns sour, as Burnett lips out a 15-footer from the edge of the green, making Schembari’s bogey tops for the round.
Hole 13: Urschel has to cough up a couple of bucks right off the spot here: his first two shots don’t make it past the ladies tees.
“We’re going to go down here — you guys have fun,” Schembari shouts to Garrett and Urschel as he walks down the fairway to his cart and sets up his umbrella.
“He really hates my accessories,” Schembari says of Garrett. “I love that kind of stuff: stupid accessories for no reason.”
Garrett’s third shot line drives right at Burnett, who ducks out of the way just in time. Instead, the ball bounces off Schembari’s cart with a loud thwack. The two collapse in hysterics.
“He really does hate your (expletive) umbrella,” Burnett says.
Hole 14: The group has caught up to the next foursome, so to pass the time, Schembari tells an anecdote about a 14th hole he and another golfer had here a while back with one of the tournament’s other golfers.
“We’re four holes in, and he’s throwing putters and cussing ... and he’s getting (expletive) because we’re walking in his sightline,” Schembari says.
“Right here, he duffs into the lake and he flings the club and hits this powerline right here,” Schembari continues, gesturing above and behind him and then twirling his finger. “It wraps around it and we’re waiting for the transformer to blow us up. And finally, we’re like, ‘Buddy, you’ve got to get it together.’”
No flying clubs for these four on this hole — Schembari not only clears the lake, but hits a 6-footer for par — but the watery hole nevertheless proves to be a problem. Burnett thinks he’s found the ball he hit into the deep rough, but it turns out to be some other golfer’s.
Urschel tells him not to worry.
“My philosophy is you don’t have to find your own ball,” he says. “You just have to find any ball.”
Hole 15: Burnett’s still singing along to the Jambox, but Rush’s “Tom Sawyer” inspires him to take his karaoke up a couple notches. These are: 1) Pump fist into air, repeatedly. 2) Take the lyrics the Canadian power trio came up with back when Burnett was a wee little rocker and replace them with profane ones.
Hole 16: No one in the group has yet to hit a birdie, but Garrett almost gets the real thing when he hits a tree with his tee shot and nearly takes down one of its winged inhabitants.
Hole 17: The four try to sort out their side bets. “Basically, Casey, since I owe five, I don’t owe nothing,” Garrett says to Urschel. “You take Bernie and Anthony’s dollar.”
“You guys each owe me a dollar,” Urschel says to Burnett and Schembari. An argument ensues.
“You still owe me from the front nine,” Urschel reminds the pair.
“Wasn’t there a closest to the pin?” Schembari asks Garrett.
“That’s what I didn’t include,” Garrett says.
Hole 18: Schembari has an announcement to make. “We’re down to one,” he says.
The group is indeed down to its last hole, but Schembari is concerned with the number of cans of beer remaining. There’s also one more competition-within-a-competition left: a longest-drive challenge. Burnett rises to the challenge and crushes it.
“Bernie, you keep the dollar you owe me,” Schembari says.
“Now I can put that down payment on the pool,” Burnett says.
Schembari ends up winning intra-group overall score bragging rights with a two-day 200, besting Urschel by 17 strokes. The course ends up 2 for 4, as Burnett and Garrett wind up not finishing the tournament, but Burnett turns the agony of defeat into the profanity of defeat.
“The way I look at it, I got my money’s worth,” Burnett says. “These (expletives) come out here and shoot a 70 — they don’t get their money’s worth. I got a nice view of the golf course today, because I was everywhere on it.”
“I’m ready to try your coconut water idea,” he says.
If the conversation Schembari had with Burnett after his Xanax run didn’t make his role as the group’s medicinal guru obvious, it’s clear as El Tesoro Platinum tequila now. Schembari holds court on the ins and outs of hangovers, throwing around excretory terminology like “five o’clock (expletive),” but Urschel is less sure of the idea the more Schembari talks.
“Why would I lie to you?” Schembari says.
“Because that’s who you are,” Urschel replies.
A shower of a different kind than the one on Schembari’s mind seems imminent as the storm clouds gather. Garrett picks up his first par of the day after starting with eight bogeys, which is all that is needed for second place, breaking a three-way tie he had been sharing with Burnett and Urschel.
Burnett is last with a 61 (for maximum intoxication, Burnett’s three incomplete holes have been scored in his absence as snowmen), with Urschel at 58. Schembari’s bogey keeps him in the lead at 52, but it is Garrett who somehow parlays his 56 into $18 of winnings.
Hole 10: Urschel takes a break at the turn, ostensibly to get some concession stand food, but also perhaps to savor the moment. The Eli Barron is the only tournament he’ll play all year.
“I think this is tournament five for me,” he says. “Normally we drink so much I forget which one is which ... I try to make it an annual habit, because we have so much fun down here.”
He takes a pause, as though trying to will away the cobwebs in his mind.
“That’s a good question,” he slurs. “I don’t know. I just ... I just know.”
Hole 11: If chugging were a competition today, Urschel and Burnett would be in the lead at this point with two. Schembari bogeys to stayed tied with Garrett at one chug ... for now.
“We’ve still got plenty of holes left,” Garrett warns with a chuckle.
Hole 12: The long-promised thunder finally kicks in, along with some light rain. Unpertrurbed, Burnett crushes his tee shot.
“That’s a little taste of Xanax,” he mock-brags.
It’s a taste that soon turns sour, as Burnett lips out a 15-footer from the edge of the green, making Schembari’s bogey tops for the round.
Hole 13: Urschel has to cough up a couple of bucks right off the spot here: his first two shots don’t make it past the ladies tees.
“We’re going to go down here — you guys have fun,” Schembari shouts to Garrett and Urschel as he walks down the fairway to his cart and sets up his umbrella.
“He really hates my accessories,” Schembari says of Garrett. “I love that kind of stuff: stupid accessories for no reason.”
Garrett’s third shot line drives right at Burnett, who ducks out of the way just in time. Instead, the ball bounces off Schembari’s cart with a loud thwack. The two collapse in hysterics.
“He really does hate your (expletive) umbrella,” Burnett says.
Hole 14: The group has caught up to the next foursome, so to pass the time, Schembari tells an anecdote about a 14th hole he and another golfer had here a while back with one of the tournament’s other golfers.
“We’re four holes in, and he’s throwing putters and cussing ... and he’s getting (expletive) because we’re walking in his sightline,” Schembari says.
“Right here, he duffs into the lake and he flings the club and hits this powerline right here,” Schembari continues, gesturing above and behind him and then twirling his finger. “It wraps around it and we’re waiting for the transformer to blow us up. And finally, we’re like, ‘Buddy, you’ve got to get it together.’”
No flying clubs for these four on this hole — Schembari not only clears the lake, but hits a 6-footer for par — but the watery hole nevertheless proves to be a problem. Burnett thinks he’s found the ball he hit into the deep rough, but it turns out to be some other golfer’s.
Urschel tells him not to worry.
“My philosophy is you don’t have to find your own ball,” he says. “You just have to find any ball.”
Hole 15: Burnett’s still singing along to the Jambox, but Rush’s “Tom Sawyer” inspires him to take his karaoke up a couple notches. These are: 1) Pump fist into air, repeatedly. 2) Take the lyrics the Canadian power trio came up with back when Burnett was a wee little rocker and replace them with profane ones.
Hole 16: No one in the group has yet to hit a birdie, but Garrett almost gets the real thing when he hits a tree with his tee shot and nearly takes down one of its winged inhabitants.
Hole 17: The four try to sort out their side bets. “Basically, Casey, since I owe five, I don’t owe nothing,” Garrett says to Urschel. “You take Bernie and Anthony’s dollar.”
“You guys each owe me a dollar,” Urschel says to Burnett and Schembari. An argument ensues.
“You still owe me from the front nine,” Urschel reminds the pair.
“Wasn’t there a closest to the pin?” Schembari asks Garrett.
“That’s what I didn’t include,” Garrett says.
Hole 18: Schembari has an announcement to make. “We’re down to one,” he says.
The group is indeed down to its last hole, but Schembari is concerned with the number of cans of beer remaining. There’s also one more competition-within-a-competition left: a longest-drive challenge. Burnett rises to the challenge and crushes it.
“Bernie, you keep the dollar you owe me,” Schembari says.
“Now I can put that down payment on the pool,” Burnett says.
Schembari ends up winning intra-group overall score bragging rights with a two-day 200, besting Urschel by 17 strokes. The course ends up 2 for 4, as Burnett and Garrett wind up not finishing the tournament, but Burnett turns the agony of defeat into the profanity of defeat.
“The way I look at it, I got my money’s worth,” Burnett says. “These (expletives) come out here and shoot a 70 — they don’t get their money’s worth. I got a nice view of the golf course today, because I was everywhere on it.”
![[roll]](http://l.yimg.com/j/assets/img/emoticons/classic/roll.r191677.gif "roll [roll]")
More publications should run a monthly "Get a load of these assholes" column.
“Why would I lie to you?” Schembari says.
“Because that’s who you are,” Urschel replies.
“Because that’s who you are,” Urschel replies.
I wish I was at TSK's cabin right now playing Horse Dice. Instead, I'm watching Erin Brockovich with the Mrs.
Having now met and spent an evening at a Sturgill Simpson concert with Bernie, that column is that much more enjoyable to read again.
Having now met and spent an evening at a Sturgill Simpson concert with Bernie, that column is that much more enjoyable to read again.
What that reporter left out... Out of inability to print it...
I mean, Bernie was rolling that day is all that needs to be said.
Eli locals were not happy with that reporter. I told him to leave the Xanax part out. I mean he's prescribed to it for a reason. Not like we were out there popping pills. Oh well. Fun day and really probably the most boring day of Eli Barron for the crew.
What's wrong with backing off the ice cream or the Diet Pepsi after diabetes? Seems logical enough.
I'm happy for you guys having good times with a bunch of dudes in the sweltering heat. I mean, I enjoy golf too.
Of course it's nothing like blowing it up with a bunch of bikinis on a boat, but to each their own.
Of course it's nothing like blowing it up with a bunch of bikinis on a boat, but to each their own.
I'm happy for you guys having good times with a bunch of dudes in the sweltering heat. I mean, I enjoy golf too.
Of course it's nothing like blowing it up with a bunch of bikinis on a boat, but to each their own.
You're a fat loser.
I kinda hope the other 9 things in my bet with Anth come true, because I know Bobby will lose exactly 38 pounds just to screw him.
I mean, it is what it is. I'm happy you guys enjoy it so much.
Can't say I'd put a premium on it.
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wcc
BBdK
chief
BBBD
Century Cat
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CoolCat
Bellydancer
80proof
KGar
Bernie
cawood
Geese Feeder
Turbo K
Black Mike
Bonzo
Dennis
ukfanincincinnati
Rainman
CMD
Keith
UK Wins NCAA
Chumps
nelson
ukalum01
SAE
rogue
WWHarris
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krazykats
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kybobcat
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