Man, I feel for you. I'm the type that doesn't like to be told what to do....when to do it....or where. My ex-MIL (RIP) was bad but not nearly like that. Current MIL is a sweetheart so I'm lucky there. But the Mrs' family does kind of invite themselves to our house. Partly I guess 'cause it's the biggest house and the backyard is quite large and very nice with the flower gardens for BBQs.
The Mrs loves it...loves company...so if they invite themselves over for dinner or a cookout she's all for it. Me, not so much. Not that I don't want them over but I was brought up in a way that you don't ask someone personal questions (how much was your car? how much do you make?) and you don't invite yourself....you wait for an invite.
That's why as a running joke I call our house the 'community house'. Every family function is here. Someone comes in town (nephews, etc)...dinner is here. Major holidays....dinner is here. Summer get together...BBQ at OC's house. Kind of bugs me only in the sense of guess who gets to do all the work? Preparation? Clean up?
You guessed it.
Yes Sir, I totally agree... No common courtesy among some family. It seems it happens a lot. When we lived in Kentucky in Radcliff we had some family members who lived near 300 miles away show up on our doorstep expecting to spend a week with us with no notice at all (It was a regular occurrence.). I fixed them one time. They did that and I told them we'd be leaving in a little while. (We were going to the store.) They had the nerve to ask if they could stay anyway and they'd lock up for "me". I stated no and not tomorrow either. I told them we needed time now to get ready, please call first next time, it may save you a trip. I never let them in the door. They had no issue telling all who would listen how crude I was... Even called my brother in Michigan. He laughed at them. The internet was not the thing at that time or I do not doubt they'd have tried showing up on his doorstep too. They are out there and do not really care.
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