The Worst Songs of All Time

[WildcatFan1982]

What are the deciding factors for worst song?
* overplayed?
* bad song by an historically great group? (Eg Jeff Starship).
* does it exclude novelty songs that are easily dismissed? (Eg I like Surfin Bird by the Trashmen, but whatever)
* liked by more women than men?(see Taylor Swift)
* market formula? (Nickelback)
* appealing to the gays? ((Cher)

There are certain key elements.

1. Do you agree with the political views of the artist?
2. Is it a genre that you enjoyed in your youth but now you hate and it "ruined your childhood" or incites you to say "well back in my day"
3. Was the highlight of your life being 16 and making out at an REO Speedwagon concert? Then anything that came out before or after that era of your life all qualifies for worst song ever for reasons I'll never understand.
4. Are you over the age of 50 and its a rap song?

 

[Cold Stout Beer]

Anything sung by Meat Loaf and most Queen songs.

 

[DreadLox]

I make up songs that would shame a toad. The cats go into another room when I sing. I doubt anyone here has heard the worst song ever written, but if you have, I'm calling the police.

 

[JonathanW]

Has to be Come Together by Beetles! Lots of WTF in those lyrics

Here come old flat top
He come grooving up slowly
He got joo joo eyeball
He one holy roller
He got hair down to his knee
Got to be a joker he just do what he please
He wear no shoe shine
He got toe jam football
He got monkey finger
He shoot Coca-Cola
He say I know you, you know me
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free
Come together, right now, over me
He bag production
He got walrus gumboot
He got Ono sideboard
He one spinal cracker
He got feet down below his knee
Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease
Come together, right now, over me
He roller coaster
He got early warning
He got muddy water
He one mojo filter
He say, "one and one and one is three"
Got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see
Come together, right now, over me

 

[Tskware]

Here is a thought:

Several mentions of Radiohead on this thread. Never listened to them until my kids got into them in college. In some ways, their catalogue reminds me of Pearl Jam, who I also like a lot.

Their best stuff (E.g., Fake Plastic Trees, Reckoner, High and Dry) is brilliant, IMO, same as PJ's Betterman, Yellow Ledbetter, In Hiding, etc. But . . . OTOH, I will hear one of their other songs (by both bands) and say, "GD, what is that crap, cannot listen to it". A lot of PJ's stuff is just way too loud and grungey for my taste, nothing I care to listen to. Not as familiar with Radiohead's entire collection, but similarly will quickly change the station if it is not on my RH Spotify playlist that I am familiar with.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[gamecockcat]

Has to be Come Together by Beetles! Lots of WTF in those lyrics

Here come old flat top
He come grooving up slowly
He got joo joo eyeball
He one holy roller
He got hair down to his knee
Got to be a joker he just do what he please
He wear no shoe shine
He got toe jam football
He got monkey finger
He shoot Coca-Cola
He say I know you, you know me
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free
Come together, right now, over me
He bag production
He got walrus gumboot
He got Ono sideboard
He one spinal cracker
He got feet down below his knee
Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease
Come together, right now, over me
He roller coaster
He got early warning
He got muddy water
He one mojo filter
He say, "one and one and one is three"
Got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see
Come together, right now, over me

Let's not forget the LSD-fueled (I hope, anyway), 'I Am the Walrus' for dogshit, non-sensical lyric madness.

I am he as you are he as you are me
And we are all together
See how they run like pigs from a gun
See how they fly
I'm crying
Sitting on a corn flake
Waiting for the van to come
Corporation T-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday
Man you've been a naughty boy
You let your face grow long
I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob
Mister City policeman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row
See how they fly like Lucy in the sky, see how they run
I'm crying, I'm crying
I'm crying, I'm crying
Yellow matter custard
Dripping from a dead dog's eye
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess
Boy, you've been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down
I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob
Sitting in an English garden
Waiting for the sun
If the sun don't come you get a tan
From standing in the English rain
I am the egg man (now good sir)
They are the egg men (a poor man, made tame to fortune's blows)
I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob, goo goo goo g'joob (good pity)
Expert, texpert choking smokers
Don't you think the joker laughs at you (ho ho ho, hee hee hee, hah hah hah)
See how they smile like pigs in a sty, see how they snide
I'm crying
Semolina Pilchard
Climbing up the Eiffel tower
Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allen Poe
I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g'joob, goo goo goo g'joob
Goo goo g'joob, goo goo goo g'joob, goo
Joob, joob, jooba
Jooba, jooba, jooba
Joob, jooba
Joob, jooba
Umpa, umpa, stick it up your jumper (jooba, jooba)
Umpa, umpa, stick it up your jumper
Everybody's got one (umpa, umpa)
Everybody's got one (stick it up your jumper)
Everybody's got one (umpa, umpa)
Everybody's got one (stick it up your jumper)
Everybody's got one (umpa, umpa)
Everybody's got one (stick it up your jumper)
Everybody's got one (umpa, umpa)
Everybody's got one (stick it up your jumper)
Everybody's got one (umpa, umpa)
Everybody's got one (stick it up your jumper)
Everybody's got one (umpa, umpa)
Slave
Thou hast slain me
Villain, take my purse
If I ever
Bury my body
The letters which though find'st about me
To Edmund Earl of Gloucester
Seek him out upon the British Party
O untimely death
I know thee well
A serviceable villain, as duteous to the vices of thy mistress
As badness would desire
What, is is he dead?
Sit you down, Father, rest you

 

[cat_in_the_hat]

Has to be Come Together by Beetles! Lots of WTF in those lyrics

Here come old flat top
He come grooving up slowly
He got joo joo eyeball
He one holy roller
He got hair down to his knee
Got to be a joker he just do what he please
He wear no shoe shine
He got toe jam football
He got monkey finger
He shoot Coca-Cola
He say I know you, you know me
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free
Come together, right now, over me
He bag production
He got walrus gumboot
He got Ono sideboard
He one spinal cracker
He got feet down below his knee
Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease
Come together, right now, over me
He roller coaster
He got early warning
He got muddy water
He one mojo filter
He say, "one and one and one is three"
Got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see
Come together, right now, over me

As a general rule, I can take Beatles or leave them. I have no idea if it's true or not, but I read somewhere that they thought each verse is about one of the band members. I can't remember the order, but John would the be third verse where it say Ono sideboard. I think the last verse supposedly was about Paul because he was moody and good looking. I can't remember who the first is, Ringo or George. I think one of them shot a Coca Cola commercial so the verse about Coca Cola was supposed to be about them. Again, no idea if that is true or not, but I thought it was interesting.

 

[WildcatFan1982]

'Come Together' is probably my least favorite Beatles song, but its far from the worst song ever.