N.O.B.
- Thread starter Mashburned
- Start date
Kooky’s retaining wall drainage fiasco. I always forget the exact name but the “________ Effect” came in and saved the day.
Already mentioned, but Chick-fil-A day at the eye doc's place.
“Cash Only Day” at the eye doc’s place (which is pretty much every day).
Dunno if I ever shared this critter story back in the day, but I was reminded of it over the weekend when I told it to my wife (she was horrified that I found it morbidly funny and almost immediately questioned marrying me). Anyways, here goes...
Disclaimer: I'm really not a cruel sonofabitch. I only killed all those varmints out of necessity. Outside of shooting skunks on general principle (which I'm sure we can all agree with), I only shot the others cause the little bastards loved to chew holes in my batting cage net -- and that is a bridge too far. Their life vs my net is not really hard calculus.
Early one evening after the sun went down I was scanning the area for prey and saw a fat little Petey Cottontail hippity-hopping towards the net. Sorry Pete, but you're gonna die. BAM!!! A screaming 17 grain .17 HMR bullet blows right through his nylon-chewin'/pecker-suckin' heart.*
I went inside for a minute and while I can't remember exactly what happened next, I'm sure it prolly involved Mountain Dews and various forms of chocolate. About 15-20 minutes later, I return to the back porch. As I look through the scope (had a decent scope and a high-powered flashlight mounted), I was shocked to see the rabbit wasn't there any more! Now I knew there was zero chance he survived that shot (that .17 simply obliterates small game), but I had no idea what happened to the carcass. As I swung my rig around, lo and behold I saw it -- a squinty-eyed possum had evidently dragged the body to the middle of a nearby brush pile and was chowing down on fresh rabbit LMAO. That little cocksucker was in hog heaven! I watched through the scope for a few moments as his sharp little claws dug furiously into the body. Then he buried his face deep inside and got a big bite of meat and entrails. Finally he raised his demonic, bloody little head in ecstasy and started gulping it down. Of course his pea-brain had no idea he was actually on death row and eating his last meal...an instant later his head became a pink mist.
Now for some weird, morbid reason that I can't explain (other than the well-established fact that I'm an insensitive cocksucker), it made me laugh to think about that possum's fate. Not exactly in a knee-slapping HAHAHA kind of way, but yet if I'm being completely honest I must admit I did find some twisted kind of humor in the situation. Possums suck. They're creepy, snarling, disease-ridden, trouble-making, prehensile-tailed assholes and the less of them the better. I guess maybe it was the look on his face as he was eating the rabbit. He was having the time of his life. It almost looked like he was smiling, as if he were...wait for it...grinning like a possum. Then pfffft, lights out. Karl Spackler would have been proud.
Disclaimer: I'm really not a cruel sonofabitch. I only killed all those varmints out of necessity. Outside of shooting skunks on general principle (which I'm sure we can all agree with), I only shot the others cause the little bastards loved to chew holes in my batting cage net -- and that is a bridge too far. Their life vs my net is not really hard calculus.
Early one evening after the sun went down I was scanning the area for prey and saw a fat little Petey Cottontail hippity-hopping towards the net. Sorry Pete, but you're gonna die. BAM!!! A screaming 17 grain .17 HMR bullet blows right through his nylon-chewin'/pecker-suckin' heart.*
I went inside for a minute and while I can't remember exactly what happened next, I'm sure it prolly involved Mountain Dews and various forms of chocolate. About 15-20 minutes later, I return to the back porch. As I look through the scope (had a decent scope and a high-powered flashlight mounted), I was shocked to see the rabbit wasn't there any more! Now I knew there was zero chance he survived that shot (that .17 simply obliterates small game), but I had no idea what happened to the carcass. As I swung my rig around, lo and behold I saw it -- a squinty-eyed possum had evidently dragged the body to the middle of a nearby brush pile and was chowing down on fresh rabbit LMAO. That little cocksucker was in hog heaven! I watched through the scope for a few moments as his sharp little claws dug furiously into the body. Then he buried his face deep inside and got a big bite of meat and entrails. Finally he raised his demonic, bloody little head in ecstasy and started gulping it down. Of course his pea-brain had no idea he was actually on death row and eating his last meal...an instant later his head became a pink mist.
Now for some weird, morbid reason that I can't explain (other than the well-established fact that I'm an insensitive cocksucker), it made me laugh to think about that possum's fate. Not exactly in a knee-slapping HAHAHA kind of way, but yet if I'm being completely honest I must admit I did find some twisted kind of humor in the situation. Possums suck. They're creepy, snarling, disease-ridden, trouble-making, prehensile-tailed assholes and the less of them the better. I guess maybe it was the look on his face as he was eating the rabbit. He was having the time of his life. It almost looked like he was smiling, as if he were...wait for it...grinning like a possum. Then pfffft, lights out. Karl Spackler would have been proud.
Willy got the shower head. Like Kramer.
Hahaha. I remember that! Seems like it was even an item that was heavily disputed over during his divorce. Or maybe he merely mentioned in NOB that she could have everything but that shower head.
So did he buy a shower head or get shower head at lowers? Could be why it was a point of contention during the divorce.
Mav talking about his sweetened condensed milk concoctions cracked me up.
I got a “good” neighbor now. Single lady…with a crazy ass German Shepherd. I never see the lady, the dog hates everything though. I try to be his friend, not happening. He’s cool, though.
There are 2 other new single lady households in the neighborhood, and those houses each have two crazy ass German Shepherds. This weekend we walked by one of the houses and two K9s are going bonkers inside watching us walk by. They’re standing at the couch attacking the window and barking up a storm until one of the lil bastards breaks the gd window and quickly stfu because he knows he’s in big trouble. It was a wtf moment.
I guess these ladies got these dogs for protection, and I guess they work. They need some exercise and training though. German Shepherds are nuts.
I got a “good” neighbor now. Single lady…with a crazy ass German Shepherd. I never see the lady, the dog hates everything though. I try to be his friend, not happening. He’s cool, though.
There are 2 other new single lady households in the neighborhood, and those houses each have two crazy ass German Shepherds. This weekend we walked by one of the houses and two K9s are going bonkers inside watching us walk by. They’re standing at the couch attacking the window and barking up a storm until one of the lil bastards breaks the gd window and quickly stfu because he knows he’s in big trouble. It was a wtf moment.
I guess these ladies got these dogs for protection, and I guess they work. They need some exercise and training though. German Shepherds are nuts.
not uncommon for dogs to take on the personality of their human leaders.
watch out for those women. dogs are nothing but honest. they will tell ya all ya need to know about their owners. you might wanna move.
You're just saying that cause it's the B-u'cees mascot.
Damnit Mav have you been murdering poor innocent beavers too????
Hahaha @ the thought of mash moving simply because 3 crazy single ladies moved into the neighborhood.
Mash has had a revolving circus of legit crazy, and quite possibly serial killer-ish type neighbors over the years, he has a 12G cancer emitting tower in his front yard, and he lives right around the corner from a toxic waste dump. That mofo ain’t moving.
Besides, crazy + single = good time. However, he will most definitely have to move at some point after those good times though. Especially if he dabbles with 2 or more of said crazy single ladies.
Mash has had a revolving circus of legit crazy, and quite possibly serial killer-ish type neighbors over the years, he has a 12G cancer emitting tower in his front yard, and he lives right around the corner from a toxic waste dump. That mofo ain’t moving.
Besides, crazy + single = good time. However, he will most definitely have to move at some point after those good times though. Especially if he dabbles with 2 or more of said crazy single ladies.
Mash should go all Sister Wives on that neighborhood.
^ All true
2 of them drive the same exact vehicle, with dang near the same stickers all over the back. The Jeep Wrangler is the de facto female vehicle around here, and they all put state of KY sticker, their initials, some beach shit...it's unbelievable, really. The third lady has a Ram 1500 with stickers all over the back. Idk man, these chicks with 4x4's and big barking dogs might have a bigger pecker than me.
2 of them drive the same exact vehicle, with dang near the same stickers all over the back. The Jeep Wrangler is the de facto female vehicle around here, and they all put state of KY sticker, their initials, some beach shit...it's unbelievable, really. The third lady has a Ram 1500 with stickers all over the back. Idk man, these chicks with 4x4's and big barking dogs might have a bigger pecker than me.
Back at it tonight with the Wildcats cagers. Hopefully we beat the brakes off of this team too.
Lance Ware got a haircut. Let's see if he goes reverse-Samson on everyone's ass.
I didn't want to go to the bowl game. Wife wants to go to the bowl game. Naturally, we're going to the bowl game. Driving ....
First taste of real cold opening the garage this morning. Smacked me in the face.
Cripsmas gifts under the three already. Santa still gotta swing by on Christmas eve tho. Probably a year or two more.
Damn elves. Every night it's the same thing. Walk upstairs, brush teeth, take out contacts, clothes off, hop in bed, "DAMMMIT", walk back downstairs, move elves.
Stay classy, NOB
Lance Ware got a haircut. Let's see if he goes reverse-Samson on everyone's ass.
I didn't want to go to the bowl game. Wife wants to go to the bowl game. Naturally, we're going to the bowl game. Driving ....
First taste of real cold opening the garage this morning. Smacked me in the face.
Cripsmas gifts under the three already. Santa still gotta swing by on Christmas eve tho. Probably a year or two more.
Damn elves. Every night it's the same thing. Walk upstairs, brush teeth, take out contacts, clothes off, hop in bed, "DAMMMIT", walk back downstairs, move elves.
Stay classy, NOB
Sit on a sharpened candy cane.
Soooooo, what's the titty situation with all these new chicks? Asking for a friend.
Buddy, I mean we bruhs and all, but, I gotta say -- and I mean this in the most constructive way possible -- your frosted sugar cookie coffee creamer sucks. It tastes like Donner wandered into an asparagus patch then took a piss on a bunch of rotting pine cones.
Have LASIK and you can eliminate one of those steps.
Re: Titty situation
Not the greatest...the closest one looks sort of military like. I think one is fat. No clue about the third...the most weird and elusive one. That one has a damn mannequin posted up in the window (used to be wearing what appeared to be a red maga hat) to deter criminals....only thing I can figure. That house is weird. Something is up there, imo....and tbh, I don't even know if it's a chick, I just assumed it was based on the crazy dogs + the Jeep.
I'm not really at home a lot, but I swear none of these people work. They're always there.
Oh, which reminds me of another new neighbor. This dude has no car, and I swore the house was empty forever....till I saw a cat perched up in a little windown swing thingy. wtf is THAT. Then I eventually saw some lady bringing him groceries....this is a tier 1 larper of some sort, who probably made some bitcoin money, moved out of mom's basement, but can't drive or go grocery shopping. It's interesting.
Not the greatest...the closest one looks sort of military like. I think one is fat. No clue about the third...the most weird and elusive one. That one has a damn mannequin posted up in the window (used to be wearing what appeared to be a red maga hat) to deter criminals....only thing I can figure. That house is weird. Something is up there, imo....and tbh, I don't even know if it's a chick, I just assumed it was based on the crazy dogs + the Jeep.
I'm not really at home a lot, but I swear none of these people work. They're always there.
Oh, which reminds me of another new neighbor. This dude has no car, and I swore the house was empty forever....till I saw a cat perched up in a little windown swing thingy. wtf is THAT. Then I eventually saw some lady bringing him groceries....this is a tier 1 larper of some sort, who probably made some bitcoin money, moved out of mom's basement, but can't drive or go grocery shopping. It's interesting.
Bottom line: At least they drive Jeeps and not Subarus, so you know they're not lesbos.
I think the builder screwed up BIG time. That Tiny Pool House on Lane Allen was supposed to be built in Mash’s neighborhood. I’m sure of it.
The neighborhood meth house is no more. Old lady died off and her deadbeat kin had to exit the basement. Appears to be a nice family living there now, and the homeless on bikes no longer frequent the area.
Covid real estate boom really boosted the area, tbh.
Covid real estate boom really boosted the area, tbh.
Absolutely. Those new-fangled laser beams can do just about anything.
And it would cost about 124K and have three families living in it with the pool being used as a dog bath.
Maybe it should have been built in our plush, opulent and beautiful subdivision.
Don't act like y'all ain't noticed the Ulcers went to 9-4 last night.
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