How To Not Annoy Your Bartender/Get Drinks In A Timely Fashion

[roguemocha]

Keep in mind this pertains to a high volume, high capacity bar.


1. Don't tell me your name unless I ask. There's 50+ people in here, I won't even try to remember unless you're really cool/interesting or tip well.


2. Don't order waters for everyone. I'm busy, I don't need busy work and I don't need to make 5 waters when only you want one. Also, if you order a water, touching drink it.


3. Know what you're drinking. This goes for everyone in your group. Don't flag me down and then say, "Ummmm I'll have a....what's good? Billy, what're you drinking? Stacy, you like those apple thingies, what are those?" If you don't know what you want, just ask for a Miller Lite or whateverthetouch and drink that til you decide. It's just A drink, not your last drink.


4. Know what you're drinking, part 2. If you ask for that one drink you had that one time at the Hilton or something in Punta Cana or wherever the last place you acted like a jackass was, guess what? I don't know their drink menu. Furthermore, if you're from god forbid, the Midwest or wherever and they have some drink called a Yellow Thunder Pecker in southwest Wisconsin, I PROBABLY don't know what's in that because I would never live there. So when you ask for one and I say, "I don't know what's in that, but I'd be happy to make one for you though. What's in it?", don't you dare look at me and say, "I don't know, you're the bartender." You're 25+, know what you're consuming, you half-grown baby man.


5. Don't order 7 different shots. I have to shake every goddamn one of those and that takes forever. Now you're just wasting everyone's time and I promise, you're not that important. Order one, MAYBE two different shots. I don't care that Tammy doesn't like Green Teas or that Steffany, spelled with two goddamn "F's", just can't do rum. She can pick the next round.


6. Don't split shots. THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I'm not explaining this. Order a WHOLE shot or don't.


7. Don't bring kids in to sit at the bar. You knocked someone up and have kids, now act like it. SItting at the bar time is over. Time to take that Titleist visor and walk your tucked in polo dad-bod over to the host stand and ask for a table, pops.


8. Don't say you don't want a food or drink menu and then proceed to ask me what we have. And if it's because you "didn't bring your readers" well gramps, maybe it's a little late for you to be out isn't it.


9. Don't ask the price of everything on the menu. First of all, it's on the menu. Secondly, if you have to ask you probably shouldn't be at the bar spending $4+ on a beer. I'm not going to give you the same deal Wimpy got from the hamburger place.


10. Don't pay 6 ways for one round. You're all friends, that's why you're out drinking together. Two people, preferably one buy the damn round and call it a day. Then rotate for the next round, pretty simple. When I have to spend 2 minutes running and printing 6 different CC receipts and then at some point putting them in the system, well, everyone else is waiting for drinks while you're busy being a poor.


11. Finally, if you even think about whistling I will take your drink, dump it on the floor and present you with your credit card receipt so fast it'll already be showing up on your iPhone wallet app before you even sign it. Honestly don't even wave at me. I'll be there when I finish what I'm doing. Do you wave at the teller at the bank while you're in line to let her know you need something?


Customers are the reason most good bartenders are backed up 9 out of 10 times. If you take 5 minutes to order, then everyone else at the bar is having to wait those 5 minutes as well. So do me and your fellow patrons a favor, follow these rules and I'm sure you'll be well on your way to poor decisions, handing me plenty of your hard earned cash and finally blacking out.


Don't thank me now, just hand me some cash when you come into the bar this weekend.

 

[Pope John Wall II]

How to receive a decent tip as a bartender:

Stop being a bitch and don't give me 11 commandments on how I should drink, I'm probably a lot better at it than your dumb bartending ass.

 

[Get Bucket$]

In the words of the scoundrel Ike Clanton "And I don't take no mouth from any bartenders neither."

 

[PTI (pti)]

less is more.

 

[DSmith21]

If you are a decent looking chick, you can ignore 1-11 and treat him like your personal errand boy/bitch.

 

[cricket3]

tl:dr, don't care if you get annoyed by doing your job.

 

[Elbridge]

Amateurs.

 

[CatsFanGG24]

I hope Jon Taffer beats your ass.

 

[roguemocha]

tl:dr, don't care if you get annoyed by doing your job.

I don't care either bub, we'll just make fun of you amongst ourselves and give you shitty service until you leave. Works every time.

I hope Jon Taffer beats your ass.

Sorry I would never work at a bar that would need his services. I like to make money, thus I would never work at a falling apart ishhole with a bunch of lazy workers/managers.

 

[MacCard]

One would think being a bartender would eliminate any sense of self-importance, but apparently that is not always the case.

 

[cricket3]

Well sh**, I didn't know I was going to be made fun of by a bunch of bartenders, I better go back and read your post and make sure I don't do any of those things.

 

[TransyCat09]

Bartenders/Waiters
Teachers
Doctors

All in positions with distinct and unique benefits who never *EVER* stop complaining about how tough their jobs are.

 

[roguemocha]

How to receive a decent tip as a bartender:

Stop being a bitch and don't give me 11 commandments on how I should drink, I'm probably a lot better at it than your dumb bartending ass.

I'm sure you are, I don't drink anymore. I like to take all your money home with me. You know the whole thing about coke dealers not doing coke, well same thing. I'm pretty sure @PTI (pti) can vouch when his ex worked in the service industry, 3/4 of those people blow half of what they make every night at a bar after they finish.

In the words of the scoundrel Ike Clanton "And I don't take no mouth from any bartenders neither."

Ball's in your court.

One would think being a bartender would eliminate any sense of self-importance, but apparently that is not always the case.

False, I am actually THE most important person at the bar.

 

[Get Bucket$]

I'm sure you are, I don't drink anymore. I like to take all your money home with me. You know the whole thing about coke dealers not doing coke, well same thing. I'm pretty sure @PTI (pti) can vouch when his ex worked in the service industry, 3/4 of those people blow half of what they make every night at a bar after they finish.

Ball's in your court.

False, I am actually THE most important person at the bar.

You can't even troll well. Just quit the internet.

 

[Glenn's take]

I will say that number 3 really annoys me. Same thing with people holding up servers at restaurants because they don't bother to look at the menu until the server gets there. These people are also completely incapable of ordering off the menu and always have to make substitutions. I don't even think they want the substitutions, I just think they like having people wait on them.

 

[UKGrad93]

I will say that number 3 really annoys me. Same thing with people holding up servers at restaurants because they don't bother to look at the menu until the server gets there. These people are also completely incapable of ordering off the menu and always have to make substitutions. I don't even think they want the substitutions, I just think they like having people wait on them.

Great take Glenn.

 

[Ron Mehico]

I can't even imagine myself being a bartender or waiter and having to deal with the general public in a bar/restaurant setting. Can only imagine how awful most customers are. Can't believe the people that do it for years, must have the patience of a monk, just doesn't seem worth it. I pretty much follow all the "rules" you laid out, which for the most part seem like common sense, unless you are dealing with a bunch of drunk idiots.

 

[Dig Dirkler]

Keep in mind this pertains to a high volume, high capacity bar.

1. Don't...

12. Don't give me shit about moonlighting as a murse.

 

[roguemocha]

Bartenders/Waiters
Teachers
Doctors

All in positions with distinct and unique benefits who never *EVER* stop complaining about how tough their jobs are.

Never said my job was tough, I was merely pointing out how terrible you are at being a customer when it's really pretty simple.

And yes @Ron Mehico the general public is terrible to deal with anywhere. Now take that and mutiply it by alcohol. I love what I do, I just wanted to give out a few pointers and highight the ways people look like idiots at the bar by not going through the time tested protocol.

 

[AthensCatFan]

I can't even imagine myself begin a bartender or waiter and having to deal with the general public in a bar/restaurant setting. Can only imagine how awful most customers are. Can't believe the people that do it for years, must have the patience of a monk, just doesn't seem worth it. I pretty much follow all the "rules" you laid out, which for the most part seem like common sense, unless you are dealing with a bunch of drunk idiots.

I agree but when you sign up to be a bar tender you're signing up to deal with drunk idiots

 

[LineSkiCat14]

I'm on the bartender side of this..

Pretty amazing that the OP's rules actually have to be written and aren't just common knowledge. I'm amazed if people still break these on a regular basis.

The only one I don't always agree with: asking a bartender for a suggestion. That's what you're there for, just like any other profession. You know more about alcohol than whoever is on the other side of the bar. IF the bar isn't swamped, take a minute or two to feel out the customer, ask a few questions, and give a recommendation. Chances are, you're tip will go up, and you might have created a repeat customer. Bartending is still sales at the end of the day.

 

[LineSkiCat14]

And kill your self if you think bartenders complain as much as teachers. Not even close. I've never met a single bartender who hates his job, complains about time off, complains about pay, or tries to say his/her job is the most important.

 

[funKYcat75]

I'm going to respond to this thread without reading it and then see if I was correct.

 

[funKYcat75]

Mostly correct.

Also, if you don't want to hear someone complain about their jobs, don't communicate with people.

 

[TransyCat09]

And kill your self if you think bartenders complain as much as teachers. Not even close. I've never met a single bartender who hates his job, complains about time off, complains about pay, or tries to say his/her job is the most important.

Ok, bub. Yeah, they never lecture everyone about how hard their job is and if you leave a bad tip, even for terrible service, you're being a dick. No siree.

Lived in Washington state for almost 4 years where the waiters and bartenders get minimum wage + tips (minimum wage is almost $10 out there). Do you think that stopped them from complaining when people left them sub 15% tips? Hell no.

 

[LineSkiCat14]

Ok, bub. Yeah, they never lecture everyone about how hard their job is and if you leave a bad tip, even for terrible service, you're being a dick. No siree.

Lived in Washington state for almost 4 years where the waiters and bartenders get minimum wage + tips (minimum wage is almost $10 out there). Do you think that stopped them from complaining when people left them sub 15% tips? Hell no.

Just telling you my experience. I also can't comment on the nutsacks who live on the Westcoast..

But one of those professions you deal with in their work capacity.. the other one you deal with whining at a family party. Not the same. Also tipping is it's own animal. And while I don't necessarily disagree with you, tipping is only part of 1/5th the jobs out there. Every job that has tipping, complains about tipping. Bartending is no exemption.

How do you think teachers would respond to a tipping system? Lmfao..

 

[YourPublicEnemy]

I did not know we had a celebrity bartender among us.

 

[YourPublicEnemy]

"Time to take that Titleist visor and walk your tucked in polo dad-bod over to the host stand and ask for a table, pops."

That's pretty good and accurate.

 

[Wall2Boogie]

Keep in mind this pertains to a high volume, high capacity bar.


1. Don't tell me your name unless I ask. There's 50+ people in here, I won't even try to remember unless you're really cool/interesting or tip well.


2. Don't order waters for everyone. I'm busy, I don't need busy work and I don't need to make 5 waters when only you want one. Also, if you order a water, touching drink it.


3. Know what you're drinking. This goes for everyone in your group. Don't flag me down and then say, "Ummmm I'll have a....what's good? Billy, what're you drinking? Stacy, you like those apple thingies, what are those?" If you don't know what you want, just ask for a Miller Lite or whateverthetouch and drink that til you decide. It's just A drink, not your last drink.


4. Know what you're drinking, part 2. If you ask for that one drink you had that one time at the Hilton or something in Punta Cana or wherever the last place you acted like a jackass was, guess what? I don't know their drink menu. Furthermore, if you're from god forbid, the Midwest or wherever and they have some drink called a Yellow Thunder Pecker in southwest Wisconsin, I PROBABLY don't know what's in that because I would never live there. So when you ask for one and I say, "I don't know what's in that, but I'd be happy to make one for you though. What's in it?", don't you dare look at me and say, "I don't know, you're the bartender." You're 25+, know what you're consuming, you half-grown baby man.


5. Don't order 7 different shots. I have to shake every goddamn one of those and that takes forever. Now you're just wasting everyone's time and I promise, you're not that important. Order one, MAYBE two different shots. I don't care that Tammy doesn't like Green Teas or that Steffany, spelled with two goddamn "F's", just can't do rum. She can pick the next round.


6. Don't split shots. THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I'm not explaining this. Order a WHOLE shot or don't.


7. Don't bring kids in to sit at the bar. You knocked someone up and have kids, now act like it. SItting at the bar time is over. Time to take that Titleist visor and walk your tucked in polo dad-bod over to the host stand and ask for a table, pops.


8. Don't say you don't want a food or drink menu and then proceed to ask me what we have. And if it's because you "didn't bring your readers" well gramps, maybe it's a little late for you to be out isn't it.


9. Don't ask the price of everything on the menu. First of all, it's on the menu. Secondly, if you have to ask you probably shouldn't be at the bar spending $4+ on a beer. I'm not going to give you the same deal Wimpy got from the hamburger place.


10. Don't pay 6 ways for one round. You're all friends, that's why you're out drinking together. Two people, preferably one buy the damn round and call it a day. Then rotate for the next round, pretty simple. When I have to spend 2 minutes running and printing 6 different CC receipts and then at some point putting them in the system, well, everyone else is waiting for drinks while you're busy being a poor.


11. Finally, if you even think about whistling I will take your drink, dump it on the floor and present you with your credit card receipt so fast it'll already be showing up on your iPhone wallet app before you even sign it. Honestly don't even wave at me. I'll be there when I finish what I'm doing. Do you wave at the teller at the bank while you're in line to let her know you need something?


Customers are the reason most good bartenders are backed up 9 out of 10 times. If you take 5 minutes to order, then everyone else at the bar is having to wait those 5 minutes as well. So do me and your fellow patrons a favor, follow these rules and I'm sure you'll be well on your way to poor decisions, handing me plenty of your hard earned cash and finally blacking out.


Don't thank me now, just hand me some cash when you come into the bar this weekend.

I only counted 11 steps, what is the 12th?

 

[roguemocha]

Rogue hates his ****in job. Pretty simple, really. Just get alcohol for people. It's not like someone's asking you to perform surgery, hoss.

I love bartending, I hate idiots as does pretty much everyone in their job capacity. Difference is 90% of the public frequents bars while whatever you do MIGHT get 40-50% of the population. I get it's not surgery, neither is being a bar patron which is the point.
Walk up to the bar.
Order drink.
Pay for drink.
Sit and enjoy.

I'm on the bartender side of this..

Pretty amazing that the OP's rules actually have to be written and aren't just common knowledge. I'm amazed if people still break these on a regular basis.

The only one I don't always agree with: asking a bartender for a suggestion. That's what you're there for, just like any other profession. You know more about alcohol than whoever is on the other side of the bar. IF the bar isn't swamped, take a minute or two to feel out the customer, ask a few questions, and give a recommendation. Chances are, you're tip will go up, and you might have created a repeat customer. Bartending is still sales at the end of the day.

I don't mind suggestions at all. Where I work, mojitos are awesome and I recommend them even though they take more time than a Bud bottle and I'm probably getting the same tip for either one. The main problem with this is you should tell the bartender what you like or normally drink before you ask. 90% of the time someone asks me for a suggestion they reply with, "I hate/can't drink suggested alcohol" "That's a fag drink." "I'm a beer guy." etc.

@TransyCat09 Any bartender that complains about money to the patrons there is a POS and works at a bar that isn't good enough to make decent money. The only time I've talked to customers about money is when they ask or they see me get stiffed and want to make fun of the loser that just left the bar.

 

[Ron Mehico]

Also what's the customary good tip? I usually tip 1 dollar a drink, 2 if its anything that requires effort, and usually 5 bucks if I have it all under one tab for the most part (unless its a really big number), is that good? I'm not expected to tip 20% am I?

 

[Wall2Boogie]

Dig already finished the list for you.

Damn it!

 

[MegaBlue05]

 

[LineSkiCat14]

Also what's the customary good tip? I usually tip 1 dollar a drink, 2 if its anything that requires effort, and usually 5 bucks if I have it all under one tab for the most part (unless its a really big number), is that good? I'm not expected to tip 20% am I?

You'll be fine with the 1-drink/1-dollar approach. If it's a fancy drink, a little more. If it's a nice bar, maybe upscale where the price per drink is higher, a little more.

Tipping goes both ways, it's how a bartender makes his money and it's how the customer can get better service. If it's a mediocre bar/a bar I never visit/or even a place with poor service.. I go with 1 dollar per drink. Bars I frequent, I usually give them 20-30% by the nights end. Bars that would constitute as my 2nd living room always get 30%.

It's more money, but I almost always get it back (or more) in buybacks, overpours, service, etc. Not that I should necessarily be proud of this, but there's a bar in my home town that I'm basically an honorary guest. I get free deserts, get to stay past close to hangout with the staff that have become my friends. Even got asked to pick up some shifts there.

 

[roguemocha]

Also what's the customary good tip? I usually tip 1 dollar a drink, 2 if its anything that requires effort, and usually 5 bucks if I have it all under one tab for the most part (unless its a really big number), is that good? I'm not expected to tip 20% am I?

$1/drink is perfectly fine, that's usually more than 20% on average. Just don't leave the coin change and say keep it, preferably. If you sit and drink for hours and run a tab/have food/etc then yeah 20% is a good general guideline.

You'll be fine with the 1-drink/1-dollar approach. If it's a fancy drink, a little more. If it's a nice bar, maybe upscale where the price per drink is higher, a little more.

Tipping goes both ways, it's how a bartender makes his money and it's how the customer can get better service. If it's a mediocre bar/a bar I never visit/or even a place with poor service.. I go with 1 dollar per drink. Bars I frequent, I usually give them 20-30% by the nights end. Bars that would constitute as my 2nd living room always get 30%.

It's more money, but I almost always get it back (or more) in buybacks, overpours, service, etc. Not that I should necessarily be proud of this, but there's a bar in my home town that I'm basically an honorary guest. I get free deserts, get to stay past close to hangout with the staff that have become my friends. Even got asked to pick up some shifts there.

All this is good advice but the highlighted part especially. You take care of me and I promise I'll take care of you. If you're trying to walk out with a buzz/drunk, tip well and you'll be there in 3-4 drinks at most. Keep in mind, if you want to sit there for the whole game or whatever and not blackout before it's over let the bartender know not to make it too strong if he usually overpours.

 

[Willy4UK]

I'm on the bartender side of this

 

[warrior-cat]

Shut up and poor me a drink.

 

[CatFromDaHood]

Keep in mind this pertains to a high volume, high capacity bar.


1. Don't tell me your name unless I ask. There's 50+ people in here, I won't even try to remember unless you're really cool/interesting or tip well.


2. Don't order waters for everyone. I'm busy, I don't need busy work and I don't need to make 5 waters when only you want one. Also, if you order a water, touching drink it.


3. Know what you're drinking. This goes for everyone in your group. Don't flag me down and then say, "Ummmm I'll have a....what's good? Billy, what're you drinking? Stacy, you like those apple thingies, what are those?" If you don't know what you want, just ask for a Miller Lite or whateverthetouch and drink that til you decide. It's just A drink, not your last drink.


4. Know what you're drinking, part 2. If you ask for that one drink you had that one time at the Hilton or something in Punta Cana or wherever the last place you acted like a jackass was, guess what? I don't know their drink menu. Furthermore, if you're from god forbid, the Midwest or wherever and they have some drink called a Yellow Thunder Pecker in southwest Wisconsin, I PROBABLY don't know what's in that because I would never live there. So when you ask for one and I say, "I don't know what's in that, but I'd be happy to make one for you though. What's in it?", don't you dare look at me and say, "I don't know, you're the bartender." You're 25+, know what you're consuming, you half-grown baby man.


5. Don't order 7 different shots. I have to shake every goddamn one of those and that takes forever. Now you're just wasting everyone's time and I promise, you're not that important. Order one, MAYBE two different shots. I don't care that Tammy doesn't like Green Teas or that Steffany, spelled with two goddamn "F's", just can't do rum. She can pick the next round.


6. Don't split shots. THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I'm not explaining this. Order a WHOLE shot or don't.


7. Don't bring kids in to sit at the bar. You knocked someone up and have kids, now act like it. SItting at the bar time is over. Time to take that Titleist visor and walk your tucked in polo dad-bod over to the host stand and ask for a table, pops.


8. Don't say you don't want a food or drink menu and then proceed to ask me what we have. And if it's because you "didn't bring your readers" well gramps, maybe it's a little late for you to be out isn't it.


9. Don't ask the price of everything on the menu. First of all, it's on the menu. Secondly, if you have to ask you probably shouldn't be at the bar spending $4+ on a beer. I'm not going to give you the same deal Wimpy got from the hamburger place.


10. Don't pay 6 ways for one round. You're all friends, that's why you're out drinking together. Two people, preferably one buy the damn round and call it a day. Then rotate for the next round, pretty simple. When I have to spend 2 minutes running and printing 6 different CC receipts and then at some point putting them in the system, well, everyone else is waiting for drinks while you're busy being a poor.


11. Finally, if you even think about whistling I will take your drink, dump it on the floor and present you with your credit card receipt so fast it'll already be showing up on your iPhone wallet app before you even sign it. Honestly don't even wave at me. I'll be there when I finish what I'm doing. Do you wave at the teller at the bank while you're in line to let her know you need something?


Customers are the reason most good bartenders are backed up 9 out of 10 times. If you take 5 minutes to order, then everyone else at the bar is having to wait those 5 minutes as well. So do me and your fellow patrons a favor, follow these rules and I'm sure you'll be well on your way to poor decisions, handing me plenty of your hard earned cash and finally blacking out.


Don't thank me now, just hand me some cash when you come into the bar this weekend.

You're a woman (i'm guessing) and trying to make those points here......good luck with that and may God have mercy on your soul.

 

[wildcatsboston1984]

Man I'm glad I never go to bars so I don't have to deal with dick bartenders like this.

 

[DSmith21]

All this is good advice but the highlighted part especially. You take care of me and I promise I'll take care of you. If you're trying to walk out with a buzz/drunk, tip well and you'll be there in 3-4 drinks at most. Keep in mind, if you want to sit there for the whole game or whatever and not blackout before it's over let the bartender know not to make it too strong if he usually overpours.

Mental image of bartenders who steal booze from their employers in order to get better tips.