SCENE: Big Blue Madness - 2024
The sound of glass breaking. The Wildcat enters Rupp Arena to the theme music of Stone Cold Steve Austin as the crowd erupts. He is carrying two gallons of milk. As he approaches midcourt, he slams the jugs together and guzzles their contents, milk cascading down his costume in a dairy waterfall. He rips off his head and - BAH GAWD, it’s Mitch Barnhart! The crowd begins to chant his name in orgasmic delight.
He grabs a microphone and begins to address the crowd and “that Goldarn So-and-so John Vincent Calipari.” But he’s interrupted by Scratch! The two embrace and announce that a plan years in the making has finally paid off. To the stunned amazement of the rapt audience, Scratch removes his head to reveal … Sonja from Harbortown!! The NWO theme music plays and then they introduce the women’s team or whatever.