I know I've posted on here a few times about my sudden health issues. I guess it all started about seven months ago, pretty suddenly. One day, I just couldn't eat food, just couldn't swallow. It was crazy but I thought hey easy fix, the doctors will know what to do.
Fast forward to now, I've been through countless doctors, had three feeding tube surgeries and find out very soon if I officially have to get heart surgery, when they did an echo it showed both bottom chambers working at only around 45%. So yesterday, I had to travel in the danger zone and get a cardiac MRI. So very soon I will find out options, surgery etc. At this point I also have an undiagnosed autoimmune disease, ALS has been thrown out there but because of my malnourishment (lost 100 pounds so far) and infection at the time of the initial testing, results were inclusive. So it could be that or another because several have similar symptoms. Oh and the fact I'm supposed to keep trying to drink things but everytime I do, I aspirate. This is to keep my muscles having some tone but it causes constant oxygen drops, until I cough up what's went down the wrong tube. So how long I live is very much in question.
Now this virus, has destroyed the last bit of anything we had going for us (my fiance and I). I applied for disability but I am still months away, from getting any response and I was our main source of income. Then my fiance, happens to work as a server at a small family owned restaurant. Of course, in Ohio those were the first businesses to shut down. Unfortunately, because of the way the family owned place does things, she can't get unemployment and we just found out the employer doesn't pay into it anyway, for her employees. The owner will be fine I'm sure, as they are gonna help small business owners. However, it appears that we won't be eligible for any sort of help. Also, she is refusing to try carry-out or delivery. So we are royally screwed and I have almost completely went through my savings at this point.
I want to say, I believe in God and pray and I keep telling myself this is all his plan. That it's just a test and things will get better, it's not more than I can handle. However, everyday it just seems like more and more goes wrong. God bless my fiance, for taking care of me and desperately trying to find work but it's just about impossible in our area right now. I'm maintaining my faith but we are seriously in a bad situation, when our supplies run out, I don't know what we are gonna do. Also, bills are still coming in and I'm trying to keep a roof over our head (though we are supposed to move in the next two months) the owners of the property have decided to sell it, instead of continuing to rent. Plus trying to make sure we still have a vehicle. Running out of ideas and I know she is so stressed and scared, as am I. I just don't know what else to do but I had to vent somewhere. I can't discuss this with her, I think she is already on the edge and I don't want to make it worse. Thank you guys for allowing me to vent and put my thoughts out there, to fellow fans.
for both of you fellow BBN!
