My philosophy is that if you've never missed a flight you're spending too much time at airports, but ol' United pulled a real fast one on me today.
Got a text from them that my flight would be delayed 35 minutes. Cool, I'm 20 minutes drive plus the return/shuttle ride of a rental care away, so I'll leave 35 minutes later and be walking through security 45 minutes before departure. Allowed me to schedule an extra meeting with my client so I'm feeling great.
As I'm nearing the exit to the airport I get a text that my flight is boarding. Wait, what? And this isn't SDF. I'm like at least 10 minutes from the concourse and I have a rental car to return. And for some reason my normal rental car place was out of cars this week, so I had to rent out-of-company negotiated rate where I'm paying $180 a day for some crappy minivan.
I look at my texts. About 40 minutes earlier - while I am in the meeting - they apparently notified me that we're back on time.
So what to do? Ah, I'll valet. Roll up in valet. Nobody's there. Sit there for 2 minutes like an asshole and shift over to regular parking. Leave the door unlocked and leave the keys on the seat (prayers up nobody steals it). Sprint through the garage, make it to security, sprint to the gate. It's shut.
Now listen, I've got to be at a conference tomorrow where I'm the guest speaker. And there is no backup. I throw on the charm (or maybe look like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown) and do my best negotiating act. The gate agent has mercy on me and opens the door - but she bumps me from 1st class back to coach (yuck).
So I'm sitting here cramped up in coach, just plowing through pretzels and Buffalo Trace like I'm Kooky "on a diet", thinking about how to a) figure out how to get somebody to pick up the rental car in parking to take back to Enterprise as the run rate is like $180+45 parking per day and b) properly justify my fraud ratings without hurting feelings (e.g., Pretzel didn't always break parallel on her old Instagram squat videos). But I really just wanted brag to somebody that ya boy had a <2% chance of making the flight and he came through like a champ.