Men who chose to not have children, how did it go?

[drew_ukfan]

This is something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I’m 34, been on the fence but thought if I met someone and got married, maybe 1 child. But today I realized how much easier life is without them and that I’m out on being a future father.

It’s no secret the COL in America continues to rise. You either grind to be able to buy a house a house and have the American dream with 2 kids and an SUV. Or you simply walk away and live an easier life. I find a lot of women around my age don’t want kids so dating isn’t a huge deal.

Any man out there choose to not have kids and regret it?

 

[WayneDougan]

I’m regretting not having a 4th kid,

 

[Rebelfreedomeagle]

I have a couple of friends who have chosen not to have children. One because he has struggled with alcoholism and one couple that had fertility problems and decided to just leave it at that. Both have worked out very well. Do what’s right for you.

 

[Jerry With A G]

Dual Income No Kids can be a beautiful life, do what’s right for you

 

[FirewithFire]

DINKS are keeping the economy afloat.

To answer your question: it is a personal choice. Some people can't stand the thought of their bloodline ending with them.

I can say that you better prepare now for old age because there will be no one to take care of you unless you can pay them well. That means setting money aside and planning on where you will live once you get feeble.

 

[drew_ukfan]

DINKS are keeping the economy afloat.

To answer your question: it is a personal choice. Some people can't stand the thought of their bloodline ending with them.

I can say that you better prepare now for old age because there will be no one to take care of you unless you can pay them well. That means setting money aside and planning on where you will live once you get feeble.

I’m lucky that I’ll inherit land, I plan to die on it too. I have 2 nieces and a nephew. Figure I’ll make a deal with one, they can inherit my land if they wipe my azz 😂

 

[BigBlueDave]

I've got a sil(65, divorced) and brother(71, never married) that do not have kids. One was successful, then wasn't while the other was never successful. They didn't start out weird, but both have maxed out their weirdness hitting retirement and never come out of their holes. Single, distant, alone and selfish. They both have that going for them.

I’m regretting not having a 4th kid,

We hit a job hiccup when it was time for number three. I wish that we had powered through to three and four. Kids make you better people.

 

[CaptainBoogerBuns]

Someone share this thread with Nick Cannon

 

[Cotaay]

In my early 40s with no kids, no regrets so far. Know a couple older retired people who had successful careers with no kids and they seem to spend most of their time traveling around the world. Not a bad life and something I am really looking forward to.

 

[drew_ukfan]

I've got a sil(65, divorced) and brother(71, never married) that do not have kids. One was successful, then wasn't while the other was never successful. They didn't start out weird, but both have maxed out their weirdness hitting retirement and never come out of their holes. Single, distant, alone and selfish. They both have that going for them.

I think the beautiful thing about not having kids is you don’t have to be “successful” to make it.
Last few years, I’ve really stopped caring about work. My ambitions are elsewhere that don’t make money. To continue to live the way I want, kids seems to be the thing to cut.

I could definitely see myself being distant as I age though.

Thanks for the replies. I’m staying childless

 

[WildcatFan1982]

I’m 42, single, and alone. It sucks ass

 

[Deeeefense]

In my prime breeding years I noticed many, if not most of my peers that were married with children never had any money or time, everything went for the kids. I elected not to sign up for that lifestyle, maybe that's selfish but there were things I wanted to do that I would have to give up. In my retirement years now and I don't really miss not having kids but it would be cool to have grandkids.

 

[jedwar]

I think it’s a choice. If someone is not sure then don’t. It’s an all kind of deal to me. I knew early on I wanted children and have 4 of my own and 3 step. Hasn’t always been easy financially or emotionally but no regrets.

 

[warrior-cat]

67, on second marriage (25 years in June) with two sons (twins, 42) from previous wife and one daughter (19) with current wife. Definitely more expensive with kids but worth it imo. Both sons are doing well financially, one not married and will not be, working for an Apple store in Knoxville and the other, married with 5 kids (1 girl and 4 boys with 3 being triplets) working as an ER/OR nurse and instructor at a hospital (Not sure which) in the southern part of Tn. They were always fun for me when they were younger and growing up as I could watch them develop and grow. But as was alluded to in an earlier post, for me continuing the name has some importance. Even though my father left when I was about 7 and never returned and we never learned anything about our family history, so I felt it fell to me to start it. Other 2 brothers had children but only one boy who is paralyzed from the waist down and unable to have kids so, it was up to me.

 

[Ron Mehico]

My brother is 49 soon to be 50, he got married (to our surprise and that’s a whole entertaining story by itself) at 46. Don’t think he ever wanted kids and imo he has a terrible disposition for them (high anxiety with a short fuse) so I think it’s better off he didn’t have them. Wasn’t anything to do with money as he’s a successful physician.

Me, on the other hand, have known I wanted kids since I was 8. I have 3 and if we had started earlier my wife and I would have definitely gone for more. My kids are 7, 5, and 3 and I wish I could freeze time, I’m very happy.

I never understood labeling people who didn’t want to have kids though (selfish etc). There’s enough humans on this earth just let people live their lives the way they want. Also never understood the have kids to take care of you when you’re older thing either. If that’s a big reason seems to me you wouldn’t be the best parent and probably get thrown in a home anyway. If I get to the point of not being able to wipe my own ass I’d rather be put down with my own dignity. Couldn’t imagine putting my kids through that sort of burden when they should be enjoying their own lives and families.

 

[JumperJack]

It’s nearly impossible to explain what it means to be a father to someone who’s not. I certainly would have had no idea until it happened. That said, it’s not easy; it’s somewhat expensive; it’s time consuming. It makes you figure out, very quickly, who you are and who you want to be, because other people are now depending on you making the correct decisions.

In my mind, this is exactly as it should be, and as it is meant to be. We should not put ourselves above others in life, even though this makes life a pain in the ass and we have to set aside some wants. That’s one of the realizations that occur as you go.

 

[LineSkiCat14]

Having a kid is a lot of work lol. And I only have one. I also think moden parenting has become very .much more involved than it was even just from a few decades ago. I do a he'll of a lot more work as a father than my Dad did.

I also don't know how society can keep on this path where the cost of having a family is just too expensive for most people. We make pretty good money and I feel like I'm the brokest I've been since my college days. Granted I'm saving and a lot of money goes towards the mortgage, cars etc.. but it sure still feels like I'm living pay check to pay check.

 

[Someguywhodoesntlikeyou]

Best thing I’ve ever done. I have three: 24, 18 and 14. A son and two daughters. I think I’ve done a good job but anyone that tells you being a father or parent is easy is a liar.

That being said too many people have kids now that are unprepared for it financially or emotionally. Too many men out there not doing their job as fathers.

I have a cousin who is 43 years old and has fathered three kids by two different women and does absolutely nothing for them but pay 300 dollars a month in “child support” and live with his parents because he is not willing to do what it takes to be a father. I’d be busting my ass to support my children more than that.

 

[LineSkiCat14]

Best thing I’ve ever done. I have three: 24, 18 and 14. A son and two daughters. I think I’ve done a good job but anyone that tells you being a father or parent is easy is a liar.

That being said too many people have kids now that are unprepared for it financially or emotionally. Too many men out there not doing their job as fathers.

I have a cousin who is 43 years old and has fathered three kids by two different women and does absolutely nothing for them but pay 300 dollars a month in “child support” and live with his parents because he is not willing to do what it takes to be a father. I’d be busting my ass to support my children more than that.

Absolutely, but wives as well are just as ill-prepared for adulthood. The other day my wife said "if I have to host Christmas, I'm certainly not cooking!".. yet my mom was able to host 25 people at times, with a little JD in hand, and had almost no help. It's a different world now. So now for next year, I need to learn how to make Christmas dinner. And this isnt to bash my wife, this is a LOT of women born in the 80s and later. Talk to any man in his 30s that's married and he will likely tell you a similar story.

Theres alsp the aspect that we were not prepared for women to enter the workforce. Forever it was pretty much the man worked a job and the woman stayed him to raise the kids, cook, clean etc. Now both have to work, and that has sort of forced men to take on a bigger role in parenting, while also meaning women just can't do ALL of the household chores

 

[Cold Stout Beer]

I've got a sil(65, divorced) and brother(71, never married) that do not have kids. One was successful, then wasn't while the other was never successful. They didn't start out weird, but both have maxed out their weirdness hitting retirement and never come out of their holes. Single, distant, alone and selfish. They both have that going for them.






We hit a job hiccup when it was time for number three. I wish that we had powered through to three and four. Kids make you better people.

I can definitely understand you and others that have kids thinking that they are "weird" because they aren't living life the way you are. But from their viewpoint, maybe they are "distant" because they don't want to listen to people talk about their kids every other sentence. It's obviosly of no interest to them, so why should they put themselves in that situation? They want to live their own life. Seems like it would be selfish to wish them not to.

 

[drew_ukfan]

Having a kid is a lot of work lol. And I only have one. I also think moden parenting has become very .much more involved than it was even just from a few decades ago. I do a he'll of a lot more work as a father than my Dad did.

I also don't know how society can keep on this path where the cost of having a family is just too expensive for most people. We make pretty good money and I feel like I'm the brokest I've been since my college days. Granted I'm saving and a lot of money goes towards the mortgage, cars etc.. but it sure still feels like I'm living pay check to pay check.

Well to be honest, society can’t keep up with this trend. we’re already seeing a massive drop in birth rates that will likely continue. Other nations (Western Europe, South Korea, Japan) that are developed and have seen birth rate drops have no figured out how to reverse it. Immigration is a band aid

And to another point, you have women in the work place. Which makes paying for child care necessary and that’s very expensive.

I’m on dating apps and I see TONS of women in the their early to mid 30s that are lawyers and doctors. Career, professional driven women that are now in a place to look for a husband of equal economic value to start a family and they’re simply not there. 80% of women vying for the top 20% of men. Women have become the professionals in this day and age. It’s all very interesting and probably why most kids are born to low income households.

I have friends who are around my age and seeing young cousins and their friends saying they don’t want children. It’s not worth it. And a lot of them are even saying it’s not worth it to even pursue modern women

 

[drew_ukfan]

I can definitely understand you and others that have kids thinking that they are "weird" because they aren't living life the way you are. But from their viewpoint, maybe they are "distant" because they don't want to listen to people talk about their kids every other sentence. It's obviosly of no interest to them, so why should they put themselves in that situation? They want to live their own life. Seems like it would be selfish to wish them not to.

Great point. My sister gets mad at me because I don’t want to visit and be more involved with her kids. Why would I? It’s loud and messy. I didn’t have a choice in her decision to have kids, she should respect mine for opting out of being the Worlds Best Uncle

 

[Cold Stout Beer]

Well to be honest, society can’t keep up with this trend. we’re already seeing a massive drop in birth rates that will likely continue. Other nations (Western Europe, South Korea, Japan) that are developed and have seen birth rate drops have no figured out how to reverse it. Immigration is a band aid

And to another point, you have women in the work place. Which makes paying for child care necessary and that’s very expensive.

I’m on dating apps and I see TONS of women in the their early to mid 30s that are lawyers and doctors. Career, professional driven women that are now in a place to look for a husband of equal economic value to start a family and they’re simply not there. 80% of women vying for the top 20% of men. Women have become the professionals in this day and age. It’s all very interesting and probably why most kids are born to low income households.

I have friends who are around my age and seeing young cousins and their friends saying they don’t want children. It’s not worth it. And a lot of them are even saying it’s not worth it to even pursue modern women

I have a friend down the street that is single, 50 something, no kids and no wife. He has money, though, and does what he wants. He never seems upset about anything. I think it's ok to get old by yourself but I think it would be madness to be alone AND broke as you age.

 

[Cold Stout Beer]

Great point. My sister gets mad at me because I don’t want to visit and be more involved with her kids. Why would I? It’s loud and messy. I didn’t have a choice in her decision to have kids, she should respect mine for opting out of being the Worlds Best Uncle

If she gets mad, SHE'S the one being selfish.....she wants to show her kids off. It's a ton of work for her and if she can't show them off, it's not worth it. Don't let her shame you. Peope with kids get often mad when they can't show them off because it's hell the rest of the time. FACT!

 

[drew_ukfan]

If she gets mad, SHE'S the one being selfish.....she wants to show her kids off. It's a ton of work for her and if she can't show them off, it's not worth it. Don't let her shame you.

Dude we’re vibing. I have been with her before where she’s mad about something, pulls out the camera and it’s all smiles for Instagram, then tells her kids to go find something to do and she’s back to being mad lol.

It’s all a fake façade for online likes

 

[Cold Stout Beer]

Dude we’re vibing. I have been with her before where she’s mad about something, pulls out the camera and it’s all smiles for Instagram, then tells her kids to go find something to do and she’s back to being mad lol.

It’s all a fake façade for online likes

Bingo. Many married guys are the same way. I know countless one's that hate their situation but say "My wife" in EVERY SENTENCE because they think that makes them cool that they are married.....even though they hate it, LOL. I try to never talk about my significant other unless asked.

 

[drew_ukfan]

Bingo. Many married guys are the same way. I know countless one's that hate their situation but say "My wife" in EVERY SENTENCE because they think that makes them cool that they are married.....even though they hate it, LOL. I try to never talk about my significant other unless asked.

lol yes, I don’t tell anyone when I’m dating someone. I know married men that are more lonely than my single ass

The old saying “being alone is better than being with someone that makes you feel alone”

 

[Cold Stout Beer]

lol yes, I don’t tell anyone when I’m dating someone. I know married men that are more lonely than my single ass

The old saying “being alone is better than being with someone that makes you feel alone”

I remember a long, long time a married lady talking about being alone and she said "you can be married and alone, thats for sure."

I guess she was talking about her situation but it was an eye-opening comment.

Live your life and don't let anyone else tell you that you're "odd" or "strange" because you aren't living it the way they are living it. Most of them would kill to be uncaged......many of them have no other options in life so have to convince themselves (and you) that it's the only way to live life.

 

[Saven]

I'm 34 with no kids and not married. I always wonder about at least one child, but I know that I have made the right choice not having one at this point in my life and I do not see that ever changing. I can see having one when you are ready to settle down and literally physically are done in life, but then I'm too worried I'll be too old for that shit by then and not be able to help my children as much as I want to.

Having nieces and nephews is good enough for me. I love seeing them at get-togethers and have a great time with family when we have them. I'm also glad I don't have to raise them either. One full day with them is enough to put me down (which is why I don't want to be a father lmao). I don't know how those with children do it sometimes.

 

[august-west]

I don’t have any kids…..that I know of

 

[warrior-cat]

It’s nearly impossible to explain what it means to be a father to someone who’s not. I certainly would have had no idea until it happened. That said, it’s not easy; it’s somewhat expensive; it’s time consuming. It makes you figure out, very quickly, who you are and who you want to be, because other people are now depending on you making the correct decisions.

In my mind, this is exactly as it should be, and as it is meant to be. We should not put ourselves above others in life, even though this makes life a pain in the ass and we have to set aside some wants. That’s one of the realizations that occur as you go.

After getting divorced from my first wife, she married a man she was cheating with soon after (reason for the divorce) and tried to keep my sons from me saying it was too confusing for them to have 2 dads. Needless to say, that did not go over very well, and I had to take her back to court. She still fought that and would sometimes still not let me see them. Courts here very much on the side of the mother and she knew she could get away with a lot.

Needless to say, I went to great lengths to see them (stories for another time). One weekend however when I had them, they commented on how they had tried to climb an area of Mt. Scott (Local small mountain) with their stepfather in an area that was cordoned off for climbing and could not make it to the top of the area. They so much wanted to be able to tackle that area so, I told them with me they could make it, and we did. They were really excited and that made me happy. There was no way I was going to let us fail.

 

[LineSkiCat14]

Well to be honest, society can’t keep up with this trend. we’re already seeing a massive drop in birth rates that will likely continue. Other nations (Western Europe, South Korea, Japan) that are developed and have seen birth rate drops have no figured out how to reverse it. Immigration is a band aid

And to another point, you have women in the work place. Which makes paying for child care necessary and that’s very expensive.

I’m on dating apps and I see TONS of women in the their early to mid 30s that are lawyers and doctors. Career, professional driven women that are now in a place to look for a husband of equal economic value to start a family and they’re simply not there. 80% of women vying for the top 20% of men. Women have become the professionals in this day and age. It’s all very interesting and probably why most kids are born to low income households.

I have friends who are around my age and seeing young cousins and their friends saying they don’t want children. It’s not worth it. And a lot of them are even saying it’s not worth it to even pursue modern women

I agree 100%, we can't. More and more families are going in the red. We need to do something about the cost of early childcare because with both parents working, then you're gonna need to shell out $2500/month for full time day care (here in NY).

I think you have to fix that, and I think you have to increase the tax breaks for having kids. Obviously I'm biased on this because I'm rubbing my hands for that $3,600 come January.. but it does need to be more, regardless if I have kids or nor. We need to increase the incentives to make people, who want to have kids, financially afford it.

And yes, modern women are a headache, to say the least.

 

[warrior-cat]

Dude we’re vibing. I have been with her before where she’s mad about something, pulls out the camera and it’s all smiles for Instagram, then tells her kids to go find something to do and she’s back to being mad lol.

It’s all a fake façade for online likes

Do that in another room and take your vibing toy with you.

 

[Cold Stout Beer]

Do that in another room and take your vibing toy with you.

vibing/vibrating = fast paced/fast paste. 🤣

 

[drew_ukfan]

I agree 100%, we can't. More and more families are going in the red. We need to do something about the cost of early childcare because with both parents working, then you're gonna need to shell out $2500/month for full time day care (here in NY).

I think you have to fix that, and I think you have to increase the tax breaks for having kids. Obviously I'm biased on this because I'm rubbing my hands for that $3,600 come January.. but it does need to be more, regardless if I have kids or nor. We need to increase the incentives to make people, who want to have kids, financially afford it.

And yes, modern women are a headache, to say the least.

I believe a lot of European countries have raised the tax benefits for having kids and it has shown to be ineffective at turning the birth crisis around.

Not that it shouldn’t be raised in America, I’m just saying

I think a huge issue is modern women. Tatted up or the boss bitch type. Very promiscuous, usually liberal. A lot of it is against what the modern man wants in a wife/mother of his kids

 

[*CatinIL*]

No kids. My wife thought I would change my mind at some point but I never did. I always told my wife that if she wants a kid for a while, any one of her sisters would be more than happy to loan us one of theirs. I jokingly...sort of...keep telling the nieces/nephews that if I out live my wife, I'm leaving whatever is left when I die to the one I like the most. I've made it easy on some of them and told them they don't have a chance so they can continue with their sour couldn't care less attitudes. 😁

A piece of advice, if you are unsure about having kids, then wait until you are sure what you want to do.

 

[LineSkiCat14]

I believe a lot of European countries have raised the tax benefits for having kids and it has shown to be ineffective at turning the birth crisis around.

Not that it shouldn’t be raised in America, I’m just saying

I think a huge issue is modern women. Tatted up or the boss bitch type. Very promiscuous, usually liberal. A lot of it is against what the modern man wants in a wife/mother of his kids

Ah I haven't seen that, interesting. Maybe the other thing is that some women literally just want to be a stay at home mom, but we basically told them they can't. And not to mention society looks down on it. But I have a buddy who just the other day was telling me that his wife mentioned she would be totally fine being a stay at home mom. It's a common feeling for a lot of women.

 

[drew_ukfan]

Ah I haven't seen that, interesting. Maybe the other thing is that some women literally just want to be a stay at home mom, but we basically told them they can't. And not to mention society looks down on it. But I have a buddy who just the other day was telling me that his wife mentioned she would be totally fine being a stay at home mom. It's a common feeling for a lot of women.

It’s the best case scenario but I couldn’t afford that!

 

[JumperJack]

I agree 100%, we can't. More and more families are going in the red. We need to do something about the cost of early childcare because with both parents working, then you're gonna need to shell out $2500/month for full time day care (here in NY).

I think you have to fix that, and I think you have to increase the tax breaks for having kids. Obviously I'm biased on this because I'm rubbing my hands for that $3,600 come January.. but it does need to be more, regardless if I have kids or nor. We need to increase the incentives to make people, who want to have kids, financially afford it.

Beyond this, we have to somehow fix the obscene problems with housing. It’s hard to blame young people for not wanting marriage and kids when they can’t even get a starter home.

 

[warrior-cat]

vibing/vibrating = fast paced/fast paste. 🤣

and red faces if caught vibing in the wrong places