Chicago Bachelor Party Ideas (no one does the Chi like the paddock)
- Thread starter NW50
- Start date
Pizza: Pequod's (a little out of the way, but so worth it) or Giordano's (right in heart of action)
Beef: Al's or Portillo's...Portillo's probably with a huge crew, as they have everything
Burger: Kuma's Corner (also have a Shake Shack now, eek)
Mexican: Cemitas Puebla
...they also have an Eataly now, which isn't to be missed in *any* city.
Most importantly, ignore anything Tommy recommends as far as food goes.
Beef: Al's or Portillo's...Portillo's probably with a huge crew, as they have everything
Burger: Kuma's Corner (also have a Shake Shack now, eek)
Mexican: Cemitas Puebla
...they also have an Eataly now, which isn't to be missed in *any* city.
Most importantly, ignore anything Tommy recommends as far as food goes.
Congrats, you gave him advice the day after he got back. Also, you gave him recs only on where to eat, not anything to do on a bachelor party...leave those recs to me for my city. If anyone has a bachelor party in Western Kentucky, I'll send them your way.
If you're on a KENTUCKY message board seeking out shakesperian prose as a way to help you get through your venti triple foam soy latte while you stroke your waxed moustache, you've come to the wrong place bub. Now take your ironic hemp cased solar power charged hipster tablet and shove it straight up your ass, and then gingerly get back on your unicycle and hike up your skinny jeans so they don't get caught in the chain as you ride right off a bridge.
PS - I don't want to be friends with you either.
In all actuality, I went to Chicago with my friends and had a nice weekend. I dropped a handful of change in your cup, patted you on the head and said "I hope this is enough to pay for this month's H.O.B membership", and then doused myself in hand sanitizer and burned my shirt as I walked away so I could avoid getting bed bugs. That was me.
Unlike you, people actually want me to do things like be their best man at their wedding and throw epic parties and deliver Joe Rogan bit-quality speeches. You on the other hand only know what weddings are from pulling your pud to your purchase of wedding crashers from the going out of business bin at blockbuster, and you're still saving the pennies you find on the ground to upgrade from sam's club lemon lime to a real 7up.
Your only experience with bridesmaids is watching it on the display tvs while mouth breathing and drooling on yourself during your break from pushing carts at the local wal mart, and the only universal "i am gay sign" that we know of is the dick you had in your mouth through the glory hole at the Greyhound Station bathroom last night. That made things pretty clear and left no room for interpretation.
Although I may have already rode off into the sunset like Mike Jordan, I do still get wi-fi at my villa estate down in the Florida keys and have no problem popping up on here from time to time to smack the taste out of your mouth and remind you that your parents were a meth head homeless chick and a used condom that she thought was chewing gum. There's a reason why I avoid you bagging my groceries and use the self-checkout line instead. Now lay down on some train tracks and try multi-accounting life instead and maybe the next go-around will work out better for you.
That post made my day. To quote Mash, just going to shut the computer down for the day, not going to read anything better.
I agree. My day is pretty much made now.
That post was so good, I'd let NW50 piss all over me and I'd enjoy it.
![[roll]](http://l.yimg.com/j/assets/img/emoticons/classic/roll.r191677.gif "roll [roll]")
![[laughing]](http://l.yimg.com/j/assets/img/emoticons/classic/laugh.r191677.gif "Laughing [laughing]")
This place has changed so much but what will never get old is reading an NW smack post.
Well done NW50. Lord Crow was a shit stain that just wouldn't come out of the Paddock's drawers.
Catlanta, you used to do the same. You would make grown men cry. It was awesome.
Missed you fellas! The board moves too fast for me to keep up so I pretty much threw in the towel on trying.
And my nonsensical stream of thought ramblings with no formatting are just off the top which apparently bothers a few GYERO miss manners new York times editor dick bags
Oh well
And my nonsensical stream of thought ramblings with no formatting are just off the top which apparently bothers a few GYERO miss manners new York times editor dick bags
Oh well
NW50 must have ran out of skittles and grape drink. He attends weddings as a best man and actually brags about that as an accomplishment when he’s not handing out money to the homeless then burning his cloths so he doesn’t get any germs on him. He tries to pass himself off as a rapper thug “brah” but admits he cries if he gets his hands dirty and carries little spritz bottles of hand sanitizer around. Sounds like a skinny 5’6” little metrosexual hipster to me. Oh, and he screws people’s moms. Another stunning accomplishment to show how “legit” he is.
All of this screams skinny white kid. A little bitter fruit sitting there in his aquaman underroos living that thug life on his Mac. He scores with chicks, goes to weddings where he’s invited as a best man, walks down the street in big cities, he’s busy, but not too busy to write a 500 word cliché riddled stream of teeny bopper insults that read like some teenage white girl’s idea of how urban black people talk. He’s DJ Qualls dressed up in Brooks Brothers holding his gun sideways cause he’s a straight up killah.
I emailed him a $5 gift certificate to Bath & Bodyworks so he can get some more antibiotic soap bottles. I wouldn’t want a dangerous busy original G to get any germs on him or miss any weddings. He’s got moms to ravish and penises to measure before his next highly original reply. He’s a successful man with a large dong that talks like he’s black. Nope, no hokey overcompensation going on there, brah.
All of this screams skinny white kid. A little bitter fruit sitting there in his aquaman underroos living that thug life on his Mac. He scores with chicks, goes to weddings where he’s invited as a best man, walks down the street in big cities, he’s busy, but not too busy to write a 500 word cliché riddled stream of teeny bopper insults that read like some teenage white girl’s idea of how urban black people talk. He’s DJ Qualls dressed up in Brooks Brothers holding his gun sideways cause he’s a straight up killah.
I emailed him a $5 gift certificate to Bath & Bodyworks so he can get some more antibiotic soap bottles. I wouldn’t want a dangerous busy original G to get any germs on him or miss any weddings. He’s got moms to ravish and penises to measure before his next highly original reply. He’s a successful man with a large dong that talks like he’s black. Nope, no hokey overcompensation going on there, brah.
Well hopefully he didn't get any germs on him. I'd hate for him to have to be rushed to the ER because of a spot on his shoe. He might have to kill some foos.
In his OP he says "Please hook a honky up with some suggestions for other things we need to do!". Seriously, who on earth besides DJ Qualls talks like that?
In his OP he says "Please hook a honky up with some suggestions for other things we need to do!". Seriously, who on earth besides DJ Qualls talks like that?
There's a friend inside him. I mean, he has a friend on the inside.
I bet I know which friend is inside of him. Or which friend he has on the inside.
NW50 must have ran out of skittles and grape drink. He attends weddings as a best man and actually brags about that as an accomplishment when he’s not handing out money to the homeless then burning his cloths so he doesn’t get any germs on him. He tries to pass himself off as a rapper thug “brah” but admits he cries if he gets his hands dirty and carries little spritz bottles of hand sanitizer around. Sounds like a skinny 5’6” little metrosexual hipster to me. Oh, and he screws people’s moms. Another stunning accomplishment to show how “legit” he is.
All of this screams skinny white kid. A little bitter fruit sitting there in his aquaman underroos living that thug life on his Mac. He scores with chicks, goes to weddings where he’s invited as a best man, walks down the street in big cities, he’s busy, but not too busy to write a 500 word cliché riddled stream of teeny bopper insults that read like some teenage white girl’s idea of how urban black people talk. He’s DJ Qualls dressed up in Brooks Brothers holding his gun sideways cause he’s a straight up killah.
I emailed him a $5 gift certificate to Bath & Bodyworks so he can get some more antibiotic soap bottles. I wouldn’t want a dangerous busy original G to get any germs on him or miss any weddings. He’s got moms to ravish and penises to measure before his next highly original reply. He’s a successful man with a large dong that talks like he’s black. Nope, no hokey overcompensation going on there, brah.
Ya' weird.
Yo, Yo, 'dis is NW-fiddy rollin' up on Chi-Town. Bestest Mans in effect. Ain't got no time fo' no germs up in this mofo for realz. Hollah Hollah like an Oooooo Gggeeee. Say Hi to momz cause I'm fiddin' to bust that again like a play-ahhhh:
@KeyWest
The dude has a condo in Key West. The gayest place on the entire planet. Key West makes San Francisco and Fire Island look like Riyadh. Hey, not judging here, but I guarantee this NW-Fiddy's toasted anus looks like a tire swing. Or better yet, the rear end in my user pic.
The dude has a condo in Key West. The gayest place on the entire planet. Key West makes San Francisco and Fire Island look like Riyadh. Hey, not judging here, but I guarantee this NW-Fiddy's toasted anus looks like a tire swing. Or better yet, the rear end in my user pic.
Yo, dog. I retired just like Mike Jordan did. Same exact thing. Mike be like "I'm gone, dog" and I was like, hey Mike, me too!
I'm not roasting anything. If you don't know Key West is the gayest place on earth then I don't know where you've been.
Here, argue with the New York Times:
FOR decades, the remote Florida town of Key West has been a refuge for gay tourists, a kind of Southern bookend to Provincetown, Mass. - a place where drag shows, all-male guest houses (complete with communal hot tubs) and a spirit of unbridled hedonism attracted everyone from closeted Midwest accountants to Tennessee Williams.
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/18/travel/escapes/is-key-west-going-straight.html?_r=0
If you are hanging in Key West routinely then you are definitely doing chinnuts. No question about it. No wonder NW-fiddy puts up such a ridiculous wigger front. The dude is fruitier than Liberace's fruitcake. He's running a free colon cancer screening clinic out of his condo for sure.
Holy shit can someone just put this loser out of his misery already?
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