My friend is decide to end his relationship with his other party - anyone that’s been thru it or lawyer advice he can use would prob help him get the ball rolling.
Divorces
- Thread starter Wesley91581
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I did my own divorce. Kids were grown, and we agreed to a mutually beneficial division of assets. If neither of those things are an issue, there is no reason you can't handle it w/o a lawyer.
Any assets owned of significance by either party prior to the marriage? Any assets acquired by inheritance or gift during the marriage? Any businesses owned by either party?
Married 15 years
2 kids I think they are 6 years old
House acquired during marriage
She has a “side hustle” selling products that started a couple years ago
2 kids I think they are 6 years old
House acquired during marriage
She has a “side hustle” selling products that started a couple years ago
Best advice I can give is explore all options trying to fix the marriage first. If it can’t be fixed then sit down and agree on who gets what. They still have kids to raise together and they don’t deserve to be drug through the mud over possessions and money.
Yep. Work through your stuff and try to save the marriage.
Simply cut her head off and acquire a new one. WTF has happened to this country?
Tell him to try and come to an agreement with the wife before getting lawyers involved. Of course, most soon to be ex wives turn into Medusa when the ball gets rolling, so good luck.
Yeah, it really just depends on how agreeable the two are on kids and financials. Maybe even try a mediator instead of a lawyer (which then becomes x2).
With the caveats as long as there isn’t any documented instances of abuse or infidelity. Nobody should work through cheating and abuse. The perpetrator deserves to be alone.
I also would add if the relationship is toxic to the point the adults cannot get along at all and are saying/doing mean/inappropriate things within earshot of the kids, don’t stay together “for the kids.”
My wife is a product of this kind of environment and she and her siblings would’ve been much better off without their dad in their lives. (He was a violent/mean alcoholic, pathological liar and serial cheater who abused his wife and kids every way but sexually.)
My in laws stayed together for the kids and ended up traumatizing all three. MIL is now deceased, and as bad as it sounds, there will be a great sense of relief in the family when FIL dies.
I love my wife and all but I love not having to move all my crap out even more. So I’m definitely never getting a divorce.
I think you know this is about a 1%-er. Divorce usually brings out the worst in people.
Those are exceedingly rare. And in those cases, if it involves real estate or children, you should still get a lawyer. The cost isn't that much in truly uncontested divorces and it can save a lot of headache later.
I have an Uncle who was quite wealthy working in real estate in Texas. He divorced his first wife and his child support payments were based on his income at the time. Within a few years of this the market in Texas crashed and he lost everything. He went to his ex wife and asked if he could lower his payments since he was so broke and she agreed. Lawyer didn't get involved because he couldn't afford one.
Fast forward 20 years and hes been married to my Aunt for 30 years and really doing well again financially. So his ex wife sued for back child support. Even though the kids at this point were in their 20s.
Fast forward 20 years and hes been married to my Aunt for 30 years and really doing well again financially. So his ex wife sued for back child support. Even though the kids at this point were in their 20s.
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If the person is serious about getting divorced see below. If they are using divorce to try to fix the marriage ignore.
*Hire an Attorney and allow them to handle communications with the other party.
* Get your stuff out and find a place to live.
* Don't speak with the person you're divorcing other than to discuss hand off of kids.
* Don't listen to the fake promises the person you are divorcing will tell you. They are all lies. They will never change.
* Don't be emotional or sentimental when negotiating the split of property/assets. This is a business deal and no place to be taken advantage of. Your ex will eat you alive when given the chance.
* Take care of your kids and always make time for them. Never speak poorly of their other parent.
* Trust your attorney and listen to them. They are the pros that have been through this countless times
* Never think that your soon to be ex is looking out for your best interests. They're not.
* Go live your life and have fun. There is lots of joy on the other side.
*Hire an Attorney and allow them to handle communications with the other party.
* Get your stuff out and find a place to live.
* Don't speak with the person you're divorcing other than to discuss hand off of kids.
* Don't listen to the fake promises the person you are divorcing will tell you. They are all lies. They will never change.
* Don't be emotional or sentimental when negotiating the split of property/assets. This is a business deal and no place to be taken advantage of. Your ex will eat you alive when given the chance.
* Take care of your kids and always make time for them. Never speak poorly of their other parent.
* Trust your attorney and listen to them. They are the pros that have been through this countless times
* Never think that your soon to be ex is looking out for your best interests. They're not.
* Go live your life and have fun. There is lots of joy on the other side.
I agree when children are involved. But I'm 40 and haven't spoken to my sperm donor in 15 years and my mom STILL won't say what he did. I've cobbled it together but she always changes the subject or just denies the conversation took place. And he always said it was his fault.
another thing that happened (not to me but similar vein). Ya know Dave Foley? From Newsradio and Kids in the Hall (and flick in A Bugs Life). Copy and paste from Wikipedia but....
Foley married Canadian writer Tabatha Southey on December 31, 1991.[13] They divorced in 1997.[13] The couple has two children.[13] In 2001, an interim child support agreement obligated Foley to pay Southey $10,700 a month, a figure based on his income when NewsRadio was in production. By 2011, Foley claimed that his earnings had declined to the point that the $10,700 sum constituted "literally 400 per cent of [his] income," but he was unable to get the obligation reduced in court. Owing over half a million dollars in back payments, he believed that if he returned to Canada he would be arrested under orders from Ontario's Family Responsibility Office.[14][15] By 2013, Foley and Southey had settled a child support lawsuit, and he was able to resume work in the country of his birth.[16] After he took the lead role in Spun Out, he told Vancouver's The Georgia Straight that "I made enough money to pay the price of admission to Canada."[17]
Foley married Canadian writer Tabatha Southey on December 31, 1991.[13] They divorced in 1997.[13] The couple has two children.[13] In 2001, an interim child support agreement obligated Foley to pay Southey $10,700 a month, a figure based on his income when NewsRadio was in production. By 2011, Foley claimed that his earnings had declined to the point that the $10,700 sum constituted "literally 400 per cent of [his] income," but he was unable to get the obligation reduced in court. Owing over half a million dollars in back payments, he believed that if he returned to Canada he would be arrested under orders from Ontario's Family Responsibility Office.[14][15] By 2013, Foley and Southey had settled a child support lawsuit, and he was able to resume work in the country of his birth.[16] After he took the lead role in Spun Out, he told Vancouver's The Georgia Straight that "I made enough money to pay the price of admission to Canada."[17]
Physical abusers (of children or women) should be in jail
Nothing could be more true than this one.
i really think the best way to think about a relationship on the front end is to consider how you and the other person will act when it ends. Problem with that is that rarely is one is ever honest with themselves about their own behavior and, hence, can't understand or reliably predict the behavior of others. And, lets not forget, bitches be crazy.
Ive seen a few marriages be saved. But in every case, it takes reshaping your thoughts about love. Ill try to keep it as brief as possible.
Both partners have to understand how to truly love each other. Love is not an emotional feeling. That understanding of love makes people focus on their own happiness. They think their partner should bring them joy and excitement. Unfortunately, this is what we are usually led to believe love is. This type of love puts extreme amounts of pressure on your partner to perform a duty that is impossible. It also causes the individual to form a self centered view of relationships that lead to chasing selfish desires and makes it more impossible to be content (see Hedonistic Paradox)
Real love is not driven by emotions. Real love is driven by commitment, principles, and character. Real love is about submitting, sacrificing, and serving. This type of love takes the focus off of yourself and your own happiness, which leads to greater levels of joy and contentment.
We are brainwashed to think marriage is mostly about emotions and feelings. These things are unreliable and change all the time. Marriage has to be based on principles. This is something that does not change from moment to moment. When each partner learns to focus on serving , sacrificing and submitting, beautiful things will happen. The marriage will flourish.
Easiest way to think of this: marriage should be a contest to see if you can serve/sacrifice/submit more than your partner. If each person has this as their main goal, the marriage will be awesome.
Both partners have to understand how to truly love each other. Love is not an emotional feeling. That understanding of love makes people focus on their own happiness. They think their partner should bring them joy and excitement. Unfortunately, this is what we are usually led to believe love is. This type of love puts extreme amounts of pressure on your partner to perform a duty that is impossible. It also causes the individual to form a self centered view of relationships that lead to chasing selfish desires and makes it more impossible to be content (see Hedonistic Paradox)
Real love is not driven by emotions. Real love is driven by commitment, principles, and character. Real love is about submitting, sacrificing, and serving. This type of love takes the focus off of yourself and your own happiness, which leads to greater levels of joy and contentment.
We are brainwashed to think marriage is mostly about emotions and feelings. These things are unreliable and change all the time. Marriage has to be based on principles. This is something that does not change from moment to moment. When each partner learns to focus on serving , sacrificing and submitting, beautiful things will happen. The marriage will flourish.
Easiest way to think of this: marriage should be a contest to see if you can serve/sacrifice/submit more than your partner. If each person has this as their main goal, the marriage will be awesome.
While I agree with a lot of what you said. But...it can only go so far, when you are the only one in the relationship sacrificing and serving (the other). You need to see in some way or another that the other person loves you. And not everyone shows or feels love in the same way(s). I always thought that putting the other first, was the best way to show love.
I agree, that's why it has to be both partners buying into this concept. If both people are focused on each other, they will learn what the others love language is.
Mom was a Divorce Lawyer and was a partner at her law firm at the peak of her career.
.. and even SHE will tell you, women are bat shit crazy.
.. and even SHE will tell you, women are bat shit crazy.
This poor guy called me last night and apparently she went on and on about it saying she’s gonna see her lawyer tomorrow - take the house and in state of IL men have zero rights so he’s basically hosed.
Sounds like it’s better to have never loved at all then to have loved and lost - maybe roguemocha has the right idea on life.
Sounds like it’s better to have never loved at all then to have loved and lost - maybe roguemocha has the right idea on life.
Per my understanding, this is the worst advice ever on the Cats Pause. You STAY in YOUR house until the divorce is finalized.
I’m sorry you are getting divorced.
Just remind your wife that Jesus is only ok with divorce if you cheated on her. So if you didn’t, good news is you get to send her to hell.
It is terrible advice, especially if you have kids.
On a related note that isn't about the legalities, I stayed in the home while beginning to get a divorce. Being there actually led to my wife and I working things out so that we stayed together. Staying in the same place made us be very civil at the beginning, and things just got better as a result of it. I had totally given up on things, but we ended up in a better place than ever. I don't think this is often the case, but it is a possibility if the person stays.
My advice is for people serious about getting a divorce. It sounds to me as if you are more concerned about your ego and saying "This is mine!" In a failed marriage and during a divorce the house is the epicenter of conflict. Ground zero. Even if you think the house is "yours" a judge will prove you wrong quickly. Half of everything is now hers whether you like it our not.
If someone is serious about a divorce the house is of very little importance. When I left my crazy ex wife I was living in my dream house and I could not get out of there fast enough A divorce means blowing up your life and starting over.
I mean how many houses are out there? There is one on every street corner and a bunch in between. Find another.
This person has to be a divorce attorney representing women.
Here's a good link by a law firm describing why you shouldn't move out during a divorce.
DON'T MOVE OUT
DON'T MOVE OUT
One of my friends actually had this happen - they both had infidelity issues - that’s one that’s even harder to come back from than other “could be” divorce circumstances.
That can vary from state to state. For example in NC, you must be separated for 1 year before you can divorce. Separated meaning not living in the same house, not just a different bedroom, not even the guest suite above the garage.
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