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Kansas, Self Petition Helms' Bread Company to Restore Vacated Banner

MdWIldcat55

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(AP) Lawrence, Kansas -- The Kansas University basketball team and head coach Bill Self sent an impassioned plea to Helms Bakery, a California Bread Company, to restore the Final Four banner vacated by a panel appointed by the NCAA to judge rampant cheating charges against the troubled program.

"As you know, we have always respected your fictitious "championships" even hanging giant banners in Phog Allen Arena commemorating fake titles dating back to the 1920s that were never competed on the basketball court," said the letter, signed by Self, the university's athletic director and its president.

"In fact, a full third of our claimed 'titles' are merely your bread company promotions. Now we call on you to restore our 2017-18 Final Four banner revoked for cheating with a special "bakery poll." Best case scenario, we'll be able to put this Helms Banner up before we take the NCAA banner down."

The letter notes that things have been less than rosy for Kansas this fall.

"As you may know, we were forced to expel our presumed point guard Arterio Morris simply because he was charged with rape," the letter said. "This feels unfair. We've consistently used players who assaulted women throughout Coach Self's tenure. The persecution of our program by law enforcement, the courts, and the governing bodies of the sport merely because our players constantly batter women and our coach is a serial cheater must end!"

Helms Bakery officials could not be reached for comment.
 
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Here's the bread they make.
intro-1639068707.jpg
 
Helms is toast. Maybe Hostess twinkie will help them out.
 
(AP) Lawrence, Kansas -- The Kansas University basketball team and head coach Bill Self sent an impassioned plea to Helms Bakery, a California Bread Company, to restore the Final Four banner vacated by a panel appointed by the NCAA to judge rampant cheating charges against the troubled program.

"As you know, we have always respected your fictitious "championships" even hanging giant banners in Phog Allen Arena commemorating fake titles dating back to the 1920s that were never competed on the basketball court," said the letter, signed by Self, the university's athletic director and its president.

"In fact, a full third of our claimed 'titles' are merely your bread company promotions. Now we call on you to restore our 2017-18 Final Four banner revoked for cheating with a special "bakery poll." Best case scenario, we'll be able to put this Helms Banner up before we take the NCAA banner down."

The letter notes that things have been less than rosy for Kansas this fall.

"As you may know, we were forced to expel our presumed point guard Arterio Morris simply because he was charged with rape," the letter said. "This feels unfair. We've consistently used players who assaulted women throughout Coach Self's tenure. The persecution of our program by law enforcement, the courts, and the governing bodies of the sport merely because our players constantly batter women and our coach is a serial cheater must end!"

Helms Bakery officials could not be reached for comment.
Great Fantasy story..Good writing.
 
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(AP) Lawrence, Kansas -- The Kansas University basketball team and head coach Bill Self sent an impassioned plea to Helms Bakery, a California Bread Company, to restore the Final Four banner vacated by a panel appointed by the NCAA to judge rampant cheating charges against the troubled program.

"As you know, we have always respected your fictitious "championships" even hanging giant banners in Phog Allen Arena commemorating fake titles dating back to the 1920s that were never competed on the basketball court," said the letter, signed by Self, the university's athletic director and its president.

"In fact, a full third of our claimed 'titles' are merely your bread company promotions. Now we call on you to restore our 2017-18 Final Four banner revoked for cheating with a special "bakery poll." Best case scenario, we'll be able to put this Helms Banner up before we take the NCAA banner down."

The letter notes that things have been less than rosy for Kansas this fall.

"As you may know, we were forced to expel our presumed point guard Arterio Morris simply because he was charged with rape," the letter said. "This feels unfair. We've consistently used players who assaulted women throughout Coach Self's tenure. The persecution of our program by law enforcement, the courts, and the governing bodies of the sport merely because our players constantly batter women and our coach is a serial cheater must end!"

Helms Bakery officials could not be reached for comment.
Now that’s a good one my friend lol .
 
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