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UNOFFICIAL St. Louis SEC tournament Guide

Nov 1, 2007
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After seeing some of the “guides” floating around out there I thought I should put one together myself. This is more of a “rough and raw” guide to St. Louis. If you are not rough and raw and simply want to do the tourist thing this may not be for you.


Bars: Ballpark village is the “official” bar of the SEC tournament. What’s not to like? You have overpriced Budweiser products, overpriced low quality boring food in a sterile ominous corporate environment. Feel free to follow the masses (about 12 blocks or so, it will take you about 15 minutes at least) to the Mecca of corporate beer or you can stop about half way there at the best bar in downtown: Jack Patrick’s on 10th and Olive. http://jackpatricks.com/

It’s not a dive bar and not a real nice bar just something in between. Real good burgers and wings and plenty of other good choices as well. In addition, a much better beer selection and really cool owners and bartenders. If you are like Uncle Kurt and don’t give a damn about a bunch of micro beers and just want to slam 11 or 12 Miller Lite’s before the game, well they got them too (unlike BPV) Even more, it will run you much less than any place there.

Some other good bars in the area are:

Copia http://www.copiastl.com/ Quasi-upscale wine bar. Good food and a really nice upstairs patio weather permitting. I’m not a wine guy but from my understanding it’s the best wine selection around.

Over Under http://overunderstl-hub.com/ is a pretty cool sports themed bar a little bit more upscale than most sports bars. It’s on Washington Avenue where you will find about another dozen or so closely situated bars and restaurants. Lots of TV’s. About 6 blocks away.

360 http://www.360-stl.com/menus/ is right beside of BPV. Best patio downtown but the price of hanging out on it is included with your overpriced food and drinks.

The Flying Saucer http://www.beerknurd.com/locations/st-louis-flying-saucer is a short 5 minute walk from Scottrade and is the best beer selection of any bar in St. Louis. If they don’t have what you are looking for nobody will.

Tin Roof https://www.tinroofstlouis.com/ is not bad and is about the same distance. Whatever you do don’t get the salsa there though. Yuck, it’s as if they put the worst salsa ever made on their menu on a dare from their buddies to see how many people they could get to order it.
 
Food

Brunch:

I ordered a bowl of chili in Rooster http://roosterstl.com/ once and it came to me ice cold. I asked the drugged out hippie serving me if he would be so nice to throw it in the microwave for me and he looked at me like I had three heads and explained they don’t have a microwave there and kept walking.

Barbeque:

There is a lot of really good barbecue in St. Louis. Year after year Pappy’s http://www.pappyssmokehouse.com/ is voted not just the best barbecue but the best restaurant period, and rightfully so. Know this before you go though, a parking spot will probably be tough to find, there will be a loooooong line and more likely than not they are going to already be sold out of something (especially if you are going for dinner)

Now 1a on the list is Bogart’s http://bogartssmokehouse.com/ It was started by a former employee of Pappy’s. Just like Pappy’s awesome barbecue. Just like Pappy’s a looooong line.

This guy did an article comparing the two of them, but as the commenters rightfully pointed out he did not even try the ribs so he missed the mark there.

http://promincproductions.com/blog/st-louis-bbq-pappys-vs-bogarts/


My take is that you cant go wrong with either, once again just be prepared to wait. Pappy’s is right off of SLU’s (St. Louis University) campus but there is not a lot of other stuff close by. Bogart’s on the other hand is in Soulard where there are about 50 dive bars in a 20 block radius. Bogart’s is smaller though and you will not get a seat inside unless you are extremely lucky (there are picnic tables outside)


If you don’t feel like gambling on less than a 30 minute wait and are okay with coming back home without trying the “best” there is Sugarfire http://www.sugarfiresmokehouse.com/ where I find myself going more and more. I don’t think there is much of a fall off, some may disagree, but I just get sick of crazy long waits at the big two. There is also Salt and Smoke http://saltandsmokestl.com/ which is not bad. It is in U-City and has a lot of other cool bars and restaurants around it. I won’t lie the barbecue is not on par with the other places but what you get there that you don’t at the other places is an incredible beer AND bourbon selection. Not only is the bourbon selection one of the best around but it is reasonably priced as well. Lot’s of small batch Bourbons at a decent price is a huge plus to me.


You say I didn’t come to St. Louis to eat barbecue I came here for Asian food. Well you are in luck.

Grand Avenue is home to a ton of awesome (and insanely cheap) Asian places. Pho Grand, King and I and Mekong are all great.

http://www.phogrand.com/

http://kingandistl.com/

http://www.mekongstlouis.com/


Steaks:

I would recommend Tucker’s http://tuckersplacestl.com/tuckerssoulard.htm You will need a reservation.

Italian:

You cannot really go wrong with anyplace on the Hill. Once home to Yogi Bera now just home to angry 80 year old plus Italians and a whole slew of awesome restaurants. You will get yelled out by the Italians walking from the car to the restaurant but just shake your fist at them and yell something that sounds Italian, arrivederci, or something that sounds vaguely similar will work just fine.

Some of my favorites are:

https://www.charliegittos.com/on-the-hill.html

(There is also a Charlie Gitto’s downtown. Personally I like the one on the hill better but if you could not make it out there, it is the same menu)

Favazzas is great too. https://favazzas.com/

Personal Favorites:

A couple of other places to eat I highly recommend are Guerilla Street Food https://www.guerrillastreetfood.com/gsf-south-grand/ which is Filipino inspired street food and for the best chicken wings in all of St. Louis, South town Pub https://www.southtownpub.net/

 
Crime:

The chance of you getting killed off or robbed while walking down the street minding your own business is actually quite low and has been exaggerated by the media. In fairness, someone sitting in Busch Stadium enjoying a Cardinals game did get hit by a stray bullet last year, but that shit just happens sometimes. For all I know the person had it coming to them and it was just karma coming back on them, who am I to say? Besides they lived so it wasn’t like they died as well. Also a two year old was hit in the leg when the car she was in was travelling on I-70 in north county Saturday afternoon. On the bad side there are lots of stray bullets whizzing by, but on the bright side, there are lots of bad shots out there so if someone is shooting directly at you I wouldn’t sweat it that bad. It’s like a glass half full or half empty type of deal.

I will say car break ins are very high right now especially downtown so I'd lock my car and keep valuables out of sight. Also car jacking’s are up about 1000% in the last year and sadly they are no longer just contained to the rough parts of town. :(

This serves as the perfect transition to:

Strip Clubs:

As you know the city of St. Louis was founded on God and the principals of Catholicism. That is why you have to drive across the river to East St. Louis to enjoy the sin of having naked ladies dance in front of you. Now while the chance of getting robbed and killed are actually quite low on THIS side of the river, when you cross the river into East St. Louis the chances are about 50/50. Thankfully for you if you employ the suggestions I’m about to give you, the odds are lowered to about 12%!

First, there are a handful of strip clubs across the river but you only need to concern yourself with two. All of the others are in very sketchy areas and the quality of the girls drop dramatically. Your choices for all intents and purposes are Larry Flynts Hustler Club and Hollywood Show Club. Both are on the opposite end of a street right across the river off of Kings Highway (you can actually see Larry Flynts from the Highway). Now don’t get me wrong you will pass by folks openly drinking 40’s on the side of the street and shooting craps but you are only driving about a mile off the highway so you can weather that storm. Besides, the folks you see in this stretch are so out of their mind on crack they have neither the ambition nor the physical strength to rob you so I really wouldn’t worry about that.

Now for the clubs themselves, first Larry Flynt’s. Nothing wrong with this place decent girls and I think it has a little store attached that you can buy souvenirs to take back to the Misses. I think a modest $10 cover will get you in. I’m not positive because I have not been there in years. The reason I’ve not been there in years is because sitting about 1000 yards behind it is by far the best strip club I’ve ever walked into, or led out of in handcuffs,…Hollywood Show Club.

For the past 15 years I have seen the same promotional flyer in the bathrooms of Hollywood reminding patrons that they have been voted #3 strip club in the nation only behind a club in Sand Diego and another one in Tijuana. Now don’t let their horrible grasp of American geography influence your decision to go there, neither would I ponder too much about who the voters for “best strip club” are, some things are not meant to be known.
 
What I do know is this, the girls at Hollywood are right up my alley. Let me explain. You see I’m not the type that is into fake platinum blonds with big huge fake plastic..ahem..enhancements. Nope, I like real girl’s, stretch marks and all, but just the right amount of stretch marks on a banging natural body with a cute face. That’s what you get at Hollywood.

I compare strip clubs to bourbon. Your déjà vu’s are top of the line but arguably overpriced perhaps like a Blanton’s. Nothing wrong with that if it’s your thing. The girls at places like that all have sugar daddies and make $1000 a night. They don’t work for it either they have mastered that fake sexy facial expression and they just waltz by with that, give you a half hearted dance to “pour some sugar on me” and on to the next one.

Now if you are short of money you could go all the way down to Heaven Hill bourbon, that is what you are going to get at some clubs (Miss Kitty’s which is right between Hollywood and Larry Flynt’s is a protypical Heaven Hill strip club) You are getting to get $3 PBR’s along with girls reaching the end of their stripping career, big long sagging stretch marks with a few cigarette burns and needle tracks thrown in. Not my cup of tea, or glass of bourbon.

Now Hollywood is like the Four Roses Small Batch of Strip clubs. Pound for pound, dollar for dollar the best there is… You are going to find REAL girls, not fake girls, but real girls. These girls are not going to make $1,000 for walking by acting like Pamela Anderson circa 1992 Baywatch, no sir! These girls more resemble that chick on that show about the nerds, no not the real hot one the real nerdy one BUT if she became disenchanted with being smart and put on slutty clothes and makeup and hopped on a pole. These girls are like the fiddlin’ five, hustling for every loose ball (no pun intended, well on second thought…) These girls are not going to give you a lackadaisical $50 table dance, nope not at Hollywood Showclub home of the $20 COT dance. That’s right my friends Cots laid out in the back so you can lay back and enjoy the bumpin’ and grindin’ of Chastity, a hot little second grade school teacher that is just trying to make a little something extra when the bell rings at 3:30 to make ends meet to help pay for lawyers’ fees. BTW if you are not good at knowing how to make small talk with strippers a safe bet is to complain about lawyers’ fees.

Now here is a word to the wise, remember how God hooked Adam and Eve up in that garden and said you can have anything in this garden except the Granny Smith apples? Well ol’ Adam could not resist and went for the Granny Smith and we all know what happened next… God killed him. Well the proverbial Granny Smith apples in this comparison with Hollywood are the Columbian girls. They are gorgeous, drop dead gorgeous, but tricky and out to get every last dollar you have ever made in your life. Not just what’s currently in your pocket and bank account, these girls are looking at 401K and college savings money. They could care less if you are now not retiring until 82 and little Timmy will be pursuing his degree online at University of Phoenix instead of attending UK as you had planned for so many years.

The only time I have ever gotten myself into trouble on the East Side, is when I messed with the Columbian girls. Please, go for the petite, shy, innocent acting white girl that looks like the chick in Star Wars, the hot little Latina that has T-R-O-U-B-L-E written all over her, you will be just fine. Nothing wrong with the Brown skinned island beauty or even that one black girl that is there from 9:30-midnight on Thursday’s and Saturdays. Have at it. But please think twice before you take that stroll back into the cot room being led by one of the Columbians. Best case scenario you will leave dead broke conjuring up some lie to tell your wife about why you had the need to take $1400 out of an ATM in East St. Louis at 11:30 at night. More likely the end result will include this plus being lead out in handcuffs. Just stay away.

You say “Hey St. Louis Cat, I’m an 80 year old Baptist, I have no interest in strip clubs, matter of fact I am deeply offended you have not given me any ideas of how to spend my time!” Well for one there is a another St. Louis guide on KSR that is probably more your speed, but I will say there is a big ass arch that you can spend 3 hours waiting in line to go up in and look down at St. Louis from way up in the air. If you are not drinking and going to bars and strip clubs then have at it. I could not think of a better way to spend 3 + hours.
 
Massage Parlor’s

I am not one to judge but I cannot advocate visiting the massage parlors. If you do you are on your own…

Gambling

You will find a ton of casinos in the St. Louis metro area. The best is probably Lumiere. It’s the only one within walking distance of Scottrade. It is the biggest and nicest as well. Decent buffet as well. Cant really say any of these things about any other casino. Now the place is corporate so if you like sleazy casinos with smaller table limits then take the metro over across the river to the Casino Queen. Hey, Wilco wrote a song about it so there is that… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH743xFtqvg You will also find lots of places to shoot craps on the street corners of East St. Louis but I strongly discourage that.

Live Music

There are a few good places for live music in the downtown area. Off Broadway is a good place and Jack Ingram is playing there Friday night. The Old Rock House is another good place. They are on the downtown side of Soulard so pretty close. Broadway Oyster Bar has incredible Cajun food and has a decent Grateful Dead cover band playing on Saturday.

I hope you enjoy our city. I will be glad to answer any questions you may have.
 
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In 2008, I went there to watch the sweet sixteen and elite eight, which was played there. Had a great, great time.
 
Massage Parlor’s

I am not one to judge but I cannot advocate visiting the massage parlors. If you do you are on your own…

Gambling

You will find a ton of casinos in the St. Louis metro area. The best is probably Lumiere. It’s the only one within walking distance of Scottrade. It is the biggest and nicest as well. Decent buffet as well. Cant really say any of these things about any other casino. Now the place is corporate so if you like sleazy casinos with smaller table limits then take the metro over across the river to the Casino Queen. Hey, Wilco wrote a song about it so there is that… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH743xFtqvg You will also find lots of places to shoot craps on the street corners of East St. Louis but I strongly discourage that.

Live Music

There are a few good places for live music in the downtown area. Off Broadway is a good place and Jack Ingram is playing there Friday night. The Old Rock House is another good place. They are on the downtown side of Soulard so pretty close. Broadway Oyster Bar has incredible Cajun food and has a decent Grateful Dead cover band playing on Saturday.

I hope you enjoy our city. I will be glad to answer any questions you may have.

I've lived in St. Louis/Chesterfield for 47 years and you have hit the nail on the head in what to see and do in our fair city/area. I would add one's visit here is incomplete until one has had frozen custard at Ted Drewes and partaken of our toasted ravioli on the Hill or at Pasta House. And by the way, Go Big Blue.
 
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Us Saint Louis folks should get together at a bar for some games....or is that already happening and I am just completely out of the loop?
 
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Us Saint Louis folks should get together at a bar for some games....or is that already happening and I am just completely out of the loop?


Slow walker I think the people at KSR are trying to get everyone to go to Budweiser Village. There they can eat "Bud Burgers" and drink Budweiser. I'm very much against that idea and you will not find me there. I will most likely be at Jack Patrick's where all REAL Wildcat fans should be. Pretty sure KSR gets money for sending you there. You are just a commodity, much like cattle, to them. Your choice...
 
What I do know is this, the girls at Hollywood are right up my alley. Let me explain. You see I’m not the type that is into fake platinum blonds with big huge fake plastic..ahem..enhancements. Nope, I like real girl’s, stretch marks and all, but just the right amount of stretch marks on a banging natural body with a cute face. That’s what you get at Hollywood.

I compare strip clubs to bourbon. Your déjà vu’s are top of the line but arguably overpriced perhaps like a Blanton’s. Nothing wrong with that if it’s your thing. The girls at places like that all have sugar daddies and make $1000 a night. They don’t work for it either they have mastered that fake sexy facial expression and they just waltz by with that, give you a half hearted dance to “pour some sugar on me” and on to the next one.

Now if you are short of money you could go all the way down to Heaven Hill bourbon, that is what you are going to get at some clubs (Miss Kitty’s which is right between Hollywood and Larry Flynt’s is a protypical Heaven Hill strip club) You are getting to get $3 PBR’s along with girls reaching the end of their stripping career, big long sagging stretch marks with a few cigarette burns and needle tracks thrown in. Not my cup of tea, or glass of bourbon.

Now Hollywood is like the Four Roses Small Batch of Strip clubs. Pound for pound, dollar for dollar the best there is… You are going to find REAL girls, not fake girls, but real girls. These girls are not going to make $1,000 for walking by acting like Pamela Anderson circa 1992 Baywatch, no sir! These girls more resemble that chick on that show about the nerds, no not the real hot one the real nerdy one BUT if she became disenchanted with being smart and put on slutty clothes and makeup and hopped on a pole. These girls are like the fiddlin’ five, hustling for every loose ball (no pun intended, well on second thought…) These girls are not going to give you a lackadaisical $50 table dance, nope not at Hollywood Showclub home of the $20 COT dance. That’s right my friends Cots laid out in the back so you can lay back and enjoy the bumpin’ and grindin’ of Chastity, a hot little second grade school teacher that is just trying to make a little something extra when the bell rings at 3:30 to make ends meet to help pay for lawyers’ fees. BTW if you are not good at knowing how to make small talk with strippers a safe bet is to complain about lawyers’ fees.

Now here is a word to the wise, remember how God hooked Adam and Eve up in that garden and said you can have anything in this garden except the Granny Smith apples? Well ol’ Adam could not resist and went for the Granny Smith and we all know what happened next… God killed him. Well the proverbial Granny Smith apples in this comparison with Hollywood are the Columbian girls. They are gorgeous, drop dead gorgeous, but tricky and out to get every last dollar you have ever made in your life. Not just what’s currently in your pocket and bank account, these girls are looking at 401K and college savings money. They could care less if you are now not retiring until 82 and little Timmy will be pursuing his degree online at University of Phoenix instead of attending UK as you had planned for so many years.

The only time I have ever gotten myself into trouble on the East Side, is when I messed with the Columbian girls. Please, go for the petite, shy, innocent acting white girl that looks like the chick in Star Wars, the hot little Latina that has T-R-O-U-B-L-E written all over her, you will be just fine. Nothing wrong with the Brown skinned island beauty or even that one black girl that is there from 9:30-midnight on Thursday’s and Saturdays. Have at it. But please think twice before you take that stroll back into the cot room being led by one of the Columbians. Best case scenario you will leave dead broke conjuring up some lie to tell your wife about why you had the need to take $1400 out of an ATM in East St. Louis at 11:30 at night. More likely the end result will include this plus being lead out in handcuffs. Just stay away.

You say “Hey St. Louis Cat, I’m an 80 year old Baptist, I have no interest in strip clubs, matter of fact I am deeply offended you have not given me any ideas of how to spend my time!” Well for one there is a another St. Louis guide on KSR that is probably more your speed, but I will say there is a big ass arch that you can spend 3 hours waiting in line to go up in and look down at St. Louis from way up in the air. If you are not drinking and going to bars and strip clubs then have at it. I could not think of a better way to spend 3 + hours.

Which strip club is most excepting of thier customers blowing loads in thier pants while getting a dance?
 
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First - thanks. I got to laugh. That was great.

Second - east St. Louis is not a place to eff around. Just don’t do it.

Third - I’m a Redbirds fan. Been going since the 70s. St. Louis really needs to get hold of itself. It has a shit ton of potential.
 
Slow walker I think the people at KSR are trying to get everyone to go to Budweiser Village. There they can eat "Bud Burgers" and drink Budweiser. I'm very much against that idea and you will not find me there. I will most likely be at Jack Patrick's where all REAL Wildcat fans should be. Pretty sure KSR gets money for sending you there. You are just a commodity, much like cattle, to them. Your choice...

KSR is probably trying to get people to go to Tin Roof, since that’s where their show is being held.
 
Which strip club is most excepting of thier customers blowing loads in thier pants while getting a dance?

Electric Dreamer-

Great question and the clear answer is Hollywood Show club. While most girls walk around to tables and attempt to initiate some sort of small talk, maybe sly rubbing your hair and easing into asking you if you would like a cot dance, all do not. You see the Black girl that is usually there 9:30- midnight just walks from table to table and gruffly asks "you nutted yet?". Sorta like the lazy girl scouts that wait until the last week to try to sell any cookies and they tepidly ask patrons leaving the grocery store if they have got their girl scout cookies yet. They fully expect you to have already gotten them and have no reason to buy more and that is what they are most often told. They are sort of like a last line of defense in making sure everyone in America has gotten some tag-alongs. The Black girl there is like that but in terms of making sure each and every last patron has ejaculated down the leg of their pants.
 
What about parking around Scottrade? How difficult/safe do you think it will be?
 
Electric Dreamer-

Great question and the clear answer is Hollywood Show club. While most girls walk around to tables and attempt to initiate some sort of small talk, maybe sly rubbing your hair and easing into asking you if you would like a cot dance, all do not. You see the Black girl that is usually there 9:30- midnight just walks from table to table and gruffly asks "you nutted yet?". Sorta like the lazy girl scouts that wait until the last week to try to sell any cookies and they tepidly ask patrons leaving the grocery store if they have got their girl scout cookies yet. They fully expect you to have already gotten them and have no reason to buy more and that is what they are most often told. They are sort of like a last line of defense in making sure everyone in America has gotten some tag-alongs. The Black girl there is like that but in terms of making sure each and every last patron has ejaculated down the leg of their pants.

That's about as good as an endorsement a club can get. Sounds like strippers at Hollywood know thier roles, my kind of place.
 
What about parking around Scottrade? How difficult/safe do you think it will be?


Actually not bad. There is a huge lot right beside of it and another one at Union Station which is less than a 10 minute walk. I would not worry about the safety of those lots while the game is going on but would have reservations leaving my car there overnight. There are crews that were really active last year especially during cardinals games hitting 100's of a cars a game with breaking windows and taking everything they could carry out, so its a problem. There are a ton of parking garages a little bit further so you will have to walk but much easier to get a place to park and I would consider less for a chance of a break in.

Here is a parking map:

http://www.scottradecenter.com/plan-your-visit/parking

You can see all of the parking garages in between Chestnut and Washington. They are not that much further maybe an extra 5 minute walk than from any of the ground lots and if you are keeping it overnight, would recommend that.

There is a pretty heavy police presence in that area and to add to it there is the courthouse, police academy and city hall all within a few blocks of there so lots of marked cars coming and going all the time which creates more of a visible law enforcement presence.
 
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Yeah....about 7 yrs ago in my mid 20s we went out there and decided to go to the titty bars, and not knowing about E St Louis just went. Not only no but hell no dont go over there. It is worse than you are imagining, I promise.
 
Actually not bad. There is a huge lot right beside of it and another one at Union Station which is less than a 10 minute walk. I would not worry about the safety of those lots while the game is going on but would have reservations leaving my car there overnight. There are crews that were really active last year especially during cardinals games hitting 100's of a cars a game with breaking windows and taking everything they could carry out, so its a problem. There are a ton of parking garages a little bit further so you will have to walk but much easier to get a place to park and I would consider less for a chance of a break in.

Here is a parking map:

http://www.scottradecenter.com/plan-your-visit/parking

You can see all of the parking garages in between Chestnut and Washington. They are not that much further maybe an extra 5 minute walk than from any of the ground lots and if you are keeping it overnight, would recommend that.

There is a pretty heavy police presence in that area and to add to it there is the courthouse, police academy and city hall all within a few blocks of there so lots of marked cars coming and going all the time which creates more of a visible law enforcement presence.


Also, a lot of folks in the Metro East (IL side), just park at the Casino Queen parking lot in ESL, IL, that is well guarded by Casino Security, and take the MetroLink to Scotts Trade Center. Been doing that for 20 years, and never a problem. Good luck.

My favorite bar is Paddy O's and is adjacent to Cardinal Stadium....have pretty fair eats there too. Plenty of parking lots in that area too.
 
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Imo's Pizza. Worship.


I would suggest trying imo's in the same way I suggest the salsa at tin roof, just in case you want to try the most god awful pizza imaginable. Only in the case of the salsa you are not paying triple the market rate as the case at imo's.
 
I would suggest trying imo's in the same way I suggest the salsa at tin roof, just in case you want to try the most god awful pizza imaginable. Only in the case of the salsa you are not paying triple the market rate as the case at imo's.

Nonsense.

Is it overpriced? Yep, quite a bit, IMO. But, it is still really good and if you come to STL and want to try our style of pizza it's a must.
 
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